Ghost of Christmas Past

Posted on Sun Jun 21st, 2020 @ 8:47am by Lieutenant Katniss Wakefield
Edited on on Tue Jul 7th, 2020 @ 1:52pm

Mission: Into the Wild
Location: Holodeck / Quarters
Timeline: Just before Christmas Party

A Mission Post by Lieutenant Katniss Wakefield
Mission: Into The Wild
Location: Holodeck / Quarters
Timeline: Just before Christmas Party
Mon Jan 1st, 2018 @ 12:18pm


Katniss had heard about some festive going on's up on the recreation deck, 'Bagh humbug' she muttered to herself as she made her way to the holodeck. She hated this time of year, not only because people seemed to become all jolly, but because certain expectations always seemed to follow. Not only that, but this time of year was...was when she had lost her own child.

Katniss had never really gotten over it, after the loss of her baby girl, she had thrown herself into her work, she would spend days working nonstop in her lab and when she did need rest, she would sleep in the lab and not her quarters. After several weeks of this, her CO at the time made sure she got help, but that was years ago now, but that void was still with her, it was her demon that she always fought with. Finally, she had reached the holodeck, she took a deep breath before muttering 'it's okay Cailus, not this time." referring to her previous holodeck visit.

The holodeck doors closed behind her, she stood there just looking, she wasn't sure that she wanted to do this, but it was something she had neglected for the last few years and she did make a promise. "Computer, access my personal database and access the medical information in file Wakefield baby girl."

The computer gave its usual confirmation tone before responding "Voiceprint confirmed state clearance code."

"Wakefield, seven, one, nine, Delta."

"File accessed." replied the computer

"Using the medical data and scan, extrapolate what she would like at aged six and display her on the holodeck."

The computer again gave its confirmation tone that it had acknowledged her command, within a few seconds the gentle hum of the holoemitters sprang into life and the image of a human child was displayed. It seemed so impersonal to refer to her child as her, but Katniss had never got to name her.

"My beautiful little girl," she said, before falling to her knees, tears streaming down her face. "I miss you everyday, Happy birthday my love," she said out loud as she looked at the image of her little girl.

The tears stopped as quickly as they had started, that feeling in her stomach, the anger, the all-consuming emotion, but now wasn't the time, not today of all days. Katniss got to her feet, she smiled at the little girl before turning away and towards the exit.

"Computer, end program."


==Katniss's Quarters, five minutes later==

It hadn't taken Katniss long to make it back to her quarters, she had put a fresh pot of tea on and gently poured herself a cup, she had thought about heading to festivities with the others, but she had decided against it. Her quarters were the best place for her, but as she turned to settle down on the sofa with a book, the cup and saucer fell from her hands, the expression on her face changing as though she had seen a ghost. Sat there on the sofa was the little girl from the holodeck.

"Impossible."

"Mommy, why do you do this to yourself?" the girl asked.

Katniss stood there, she couldn't make sense of the situation, was she hallucinating? was she going crazy?

"Do what?" she asked not knowing what to say.

"Mommy, it isn't your fault."

"What isn't?"

"You hold onto such anger, such pain, you hurt yourself because of me and you keep other people at arm's length, other children scare you, but you won't hurt them, mommy."

Katniss looked at the little girl, she didn't know how to respond, because what she was saying, was true.

"Mommy, you have to let it go or it will consume you."

"What?"

The little girl pointed to Katniss's chest. "The darkness mommy, I've seen you hurt yourself because of it, because of me. You need to get let go, mommy, I remember, but you don't. Becuase if you remembered, it would mean letting go, but you need to let go or it will consume you."

Again Katniss just listened, was this another hallucination, was her mind just playing tricks.

"Trust them, mommy, let them in, some of them do like you."

Katniss closed her eyes and shook her head, 'No' she whispered 'you can't be real' and with that, she opened her eyes again, the little girl had gone. But what she had said made sense. Katniss slowly began to walk to the bedroom while taking her uniform off, it was Christmas and she should make the effort with the crew, she walked to her bedroom and began to look for a dress, Katniss out of uniform and in a dress, that would be a refreshing change, she might even splash out and quickly do her hair and put some makeup on.

OFF

Lieutenant Katniss Wakefiled
Chief Research Officer