[AU] YES YES YES!

Posted on Mon Jun 22nd, 2020 @ 6:08am by Cailus Griffin & Lieutenant Kalin Brennan-Griffin PhD
Edited on on Fri Jul 10th, 2020 @ 4:56pm

Mission: Divided We Fall
Location: Cailus/Shae's quarters
Timeline: One Month in the Bubble

A Mission Post by Lieutenant Kalin 'Shae' Brennan PhD & Lieutenant Cailus Griffin
Mission: Divided We Fall
Location: Cailus/Shae's quarters
Timeline: One Month in the Bubble

After weeks inside what they were now calling the “Bubble”, Cailus and Shae’s quarters looked much the same as before the catastrophe. The rooms were clean and tidy as always, with the various affectations of their little impromptu family scattered around the place. A landscape painting of the red Martian landscape was on one wall with an exquisitely detailed model of a Federation starship attached to the wall beneath it, while another wall bore Shae’s bow, complete with a quiver. More common, however, was evidence of the little girl who had lived in those quarters for all those months, taken care of by her mother and the man who was quickly becoming her father. Several of Aoife’s storybooks were kept on top of a cabinet for easy access, while many of her toys were neatly piled up in a box in the corner. Even Aoife’s high chair at the dining table was still there, despite not having been used in over a month.

By unspoken agreement, neither Cailus nor Shae had put any of Aoife’s things away. Doing so would’ve been far too much like admitting surrender, almost like admitting that they weren’t going to see their baby girl again. Now, however, Cailus was breaking their silent accord as he got to work in the main room, clearing away various bits of furniture and moving them to the bulkheads. There was a moment of hesitation as he moved onto Aoife’s chair, but soon enough it was set aside along with everything else. A large, empty space now dominated the living room.

With that done, Cailus opted to stand in the middle of the space and simply wait for Shae to come home. He stood ‘at ease’, with his legs apart and his hands clasped loosely behind his back, a simple meditation stance. Oddly enough, rather than his uniform, Cailus was clad in a tight-fitting vest and shorts that exposed his sharply defined musculature, not even bothering with footwear. Eyes closed, he stood there and waited. He knew that Shae should be home soon enough.

Shae was trying her best to find a way to get them out of this Bubble but their access to information was limited; the only working technology she had access to was in the escape pods, and those sensors were nothing compared to the Pandora’s main sensor pallet or the more advanced Astrometric sensors, but even with that little bit of technology she had to be conservative so as not to drain their precious power reserves too quickly. When she wasn't working on turning one of the pods into a makeshift probe, the best she could do was study the signal beacon to see how it interacted with the vast emptiness beyond the shield protecting them, but so far her efforts had yielded very little. And just as before life in the Bubble, Shae was having trouble pacing herself, throwing herself into her work for days without res, and this time it had been more than three days since her last break; when she finally dragged herself back to Deck Three for some much needed rest, it was with defeat written over her features, because none of what she was seeing made sense and she was no closer to answers than they were before.

It was with a heavy heart that Shae finally entered the quarters she shared with Cailus. She almost didn’t see Cailus despite the fact that he was standing in the middle of the room, but she immediately noticed the absence of Aoife’s belongings. Her tail bristled as Shae immediately began looking around for any trace of Aoife’s things, too distracted to even notice that they were pushed against the far wall to make space; there were still pictures of Aoife scattered among the decor, but Shae needed something more. Even her cot had been moved, but Shae was relieved to find that the little girl’s favorite bunny was still in the bedroom atop the dresser. Shae took the bunny and held it close, breathing deep the scent that still lingered from months of bedtime snuggles. As Shae staggered her way to the bed to sit down, tears formed in her eyes; she had not been ready for this…

Watching Shae desperately search their quarters was almost physically painful for Cailus. He took a half step towards her as she looked at the pictures, but he stopped, unsure of what he could do ease to Shae’s obvious suffering. Cailus had had a plan, but he hadn’t expected Shae to come home in such a torrid emotional state. She had been unsteady for a while, sure, but nowhere near this.

Then, as he followed her into the bedroom, Cailus’ own pain turned into a searing guilt as he saw Shae holding the bunny close to herself. Dammit, how could he be so damned stupid!? Cailus facepalmed, his other hand clenched into a fist in frustration. Any damned fool would’ve realised what might happen, but he had gone ahead and done it anyway. He had hurt Shae.

The sound of Shae’s first sob had Cailus on the bed next to her in a flash, holding her as he had done so many times before. “I’m sorry, Shae, damn it, I’m sorry,” he muttered senselessly, the self-recrimination burning awfully. “I just moved things around temporarily to clear a space, I didn’t realise...I’m sorry, love, I’m so sorry…”

“I want to be angry with you,” Shae said softly, her voice muffled somewhat by the bunny. “Furious, livid… but I can’t; she had become as much yours as she was mine, I know it couldn’t have been easy for you to do this.”

Cailus’ own eyes began to grow damp at that reminder, but he blinked the tears away, stroking Shae’s hair as she sobbed into the bunny and his shoulder. He had been doing a fine job of not thinking too hard about losing a second daughter, but Shae’s raw grief threatened to expose his own now that she was finally allowing herself to cry. “I didn’t...oh, Shae, I was going to put it all back just like it was before. I was just clearing a space for sparring, that’s all, I didn’t...damn it, I’m sorry.”

“Oh,” she said softly, then wiped the tears away. “I- I’m sorry, I guess I… shouldn’t have assumed…” Shae took a breath to calm herself, then leaned further into Cailus. “Sparring sounds nice, I just need a moment…” she said wearily, then her eyes closed; she had barely slept since they awoke in the Bubble, she felt she didn’t deserve to rest until she had found some answers, and in the wake of that crippling failure, this little surprise seemed to have sapped what little strength she had left.

“More than a moment,” Cailus said with a sigh, continuing to stroke her hair. Realising that Shae’s eyes had closed, he rested his cheek upon her brow, feeling distinctly sleepy himself as Shae’s breathing slowed. It had felt somehow criminal to sleep while Shae was working so feverishly on saving them all, so the temptation to join her in slumber was exceptionally tempting, especially since there was nothing to do.

Still, Cailus forced himself to stay awake just a little longer. With an expert touch he used one hand to unzip Shae’s duty jacket and undershirt removing both garments without Shae being disturbed in the least as his other hand kept stroking her hair, keeping her in peaceful slumber. The leggings were a much more difficult feat, requiring Cailus to lie his sleeping lover down, but it was hardly the first time he had removed the leggings while Shae was horizontal. For once, however, the sight of Shae in her underwear didn’t excite Cailus, as he was simply too exhausted and guilt-ridden to feel anything else. Instead he carefully shifted Shae up the bed in a single, quick movement (barely even changing the rhythm of her breathing, so deep was her slumber) before lying down next to her, wrapping a protective arm around Shae’s shoulders.

Within moments, he was fast asleep as well.

*******

Shae would find that when she finally woke she had slept more than just a mere ‘moment’, sleeping well through the night and even into the next day, but she had needed that rest badly and as she sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes with a heavy yawn she knew she wouldn’t feel bad about calling out for her shift; after all, it wasn’t like she had anything to worth studying anyway and today it was Krysia's turn to work on the escape pod probe. So, she was staying home today!

Even though Shae was alone in bed, she was plainly not alone in her shared quarters. In the main room, Cailus was taking advantage of the empty space to do something he’d been unable to do properly in weeks: train. For half an hour he had been working through various martial art forms and techniques, ranging from Klingon tIq-ghor to an obscure Andorian discipline called lanbich-bi and even stretching into Terran ju-jitsu and karate. Regardless, no matter what technique he applied, Cailus was brutally efficient with every moment. Clad only in the vest and shorts that he had been wearing the previous day, his skin was glistening with sweat with his vest and shorts now thoroughly drenched, his body bearing the unmistakable odour of hard, ruthless exertion. With each movement he exhaled hard, a deep rasp accompanying every strike as he moved across the room, pushing his body as hard as he could.

The sound of the swift tempo of his softly grunted breaths was enough to pique Shae’s curiosity, so she drew the blanket aside and got out bed, stretching languidly before making her way to the main room to watch Cailus work through his katas. Mmmm, that was a delectable sight to see, his hard body glistening with sweat as he moved. Still dressed in only her undergarments, she began to pad around him, looking at him like a hungry tiger looking for the perfect opportunity to pounce.

“Morning,” she said with a fanged grin to ‘announce’ herself.

While fully aware of Shae’s presence (and more than a little wary, knowing full well when Shae was on the prowl), Cailus nevertheless focused on finishing his current form as if Shae hadn’t spoken. A few seconds later, he finished with a lightning-fast stab of his rigid fingers through an imaginary throat, which coincidentally enough, happened to be only a foot or so in front of Shae.

“Good morning,” Cailus said in a wicked tone, holding the position for a moment with his hand still outstretched. He wasn’t quite smiling, although the sly look he gave Shae was just as effective as he withdrew his hand and returned to a neutral ready position. “Feeling better?”

Shae didn’t even flinch when he finished his kata with a jab that was conspicuously aimed at her face.

“Much better,” she stated, though she was admittedly hungry, but that could wait a bit yet, she wanted to play first. Executing a slight bow, she then raised her hands to a fighting stance. “Shall we dance?”

Now Cailus did smile, matching Shae’s movements as he raised his own guard. Even knowing how lethal Shae could be, even remembering how impossibly fast she could move, it was still hard to see Shae as a threat. The alluring sight of Shae in a fighting stance while clad in her underwear was quite distracting, after all, especially since it was so unexpectedly alluring.

“Don’t hold back,” he cautioned her, relaxing his body in anticipation, “because I won’t.”

“Ohh, it’s like you don’t even know me!” she purred teasingly. Shae offered a few quick jabs to engage him and test his guard, but after that most of Shae’s actions were reactionary, watching and waiting for the perfect opportunities to unbalance Cailus, and she was frightfully good at it, using the momentum of his own strikes cripple him. At first she was simply testing the waters, but after a while it began to feel like she was simply toying with him, and her impish grin was more evidence of that.

Cailus knew full well what Shae was doing as she deflected or evaded every punch and kick he threw at her. Despite his words there was no real power in his strikes, but they were still exceptionally quick. Unfortunately Shae’s own speed was on an entirely different level of impossible, dancing around his attacks with contemptuous ease.

So he decided to punish her.

First he edged closer to her, aiming a couple of exploratory jabs to keep Shae confident and (more importantly) keep her from hopping all over the damned room. Then, after getting just a little closer (and enduring a powerful right hook into his ribs, a warning that he was pushing his luck), Cailus did the one thing that he would never normally do, since it lacked any of the smooth grace and restraint that he preferred. After surreptitiously shifting his weight to his back foot, he launched his entire body at Shae, aiming to capture her in his arms in a basic, brutal tackle, with his head dipping low and to the side.

If he thought he was going to land on top, he was sorely mistaken; Shae saw the tackle coming a mile away and relaxed into the initial grapple, then she got her legs around him to throw their weight mid-fall so that it was she who landed on him, and in quite the opportunistic position seeing as how she now straddled his waist.

“Do you have a phaser tucked in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” she said with a wiggle of her bum.

“I’m always happy to see you,” Cailus answered wryly, then he raised his eyebrows in a look that promised something diabolical. “Happier now that you’re where I want you, though…”

And then, with ruthless skill, he counterattacked, soon escaping the position and flipping Shae onto her back before standing back up. Never one to simply lie down and take it, Shae struck back herself with acrobatic insanity, pinioning her legs on either side of Cailus’ head to send her opponent slamming back into the deck.

And so the sparring continued, all the stress and fear and tension being burned away through sweat, exertion and violence, until the sparring shifted to a somewhat more intimate and altogether naughtier form of combat.

**************
A while later…
**************

And so it was that as they lay on their bed, Cailus wrapped an arm instinctively around Shae as he sighed in mind-blasted contentment, both lovers utterly exhausted from their various exertions. Cailus knew dimly that he and Shae should go take a shower, but moving even an inch seemed like an utterly impossible feat, so he simply held her to him.

“I love you, Kalin Brennan,” he murmured into her ears, holding her just a little tighter against him, enjoying the weight of her for the moment as Shae’s head nuzzled into his shoulder.

“Love you,” Shae replied with a wearied softness in her voice.

When Shae issued a small whimper (for, you know, reasons…) Cailus chuckled at her adorable noise of complaint, kissing the top of her head affectionately. Then, quite without meaning to, he promptly said the words. They somehow passed through his lips without any input from his brain, the two words simply sounding out of their own accord. He had planned such a different setting, but there was no pulling back those whispered words now.

“Marry me.” After the words were spoken, Cailus’ eyes widened in shock as he stared up at the ceiling, his heart seeming to stop completely.

“M-kay,” Shae mumbled sleepily, then almost immediately her breathing evened out in a pattern recognizable of deep, contented slumber.

“What?” Cailus replied with confusion, twisting his head slightly to look down at her in subdued indignation. Granted, the proposal was hardly elaborate, but it still merited some kind of response more than that. “Shae? Did you…” Then he realised that Shae’s breathing had slowed as she fell asleep, and Cailus sighed in exasperation as he stared in disbelief at the ceiling. “Oh, come on. You have got to be kidding me…”

Shae was once again dead to the world, unphased by his exasperations and sleeping well through his grumblings, but after days in a cramped pod and then a day of intense ‘sparring’, Shae had little control over how deeply she slept.

When she finally awoke, she was once again alone, although this time instead of hearing Cailus performing katas, she heard the shower running. She could never turn down fun in the shower, and given the circumstances it would help to conserve water, so after a yawn and a stretch, Shae removed herself from the bed and snuck into the bathroom, slipping into the shower to snake her hands around Cailus as he washed, pressing herself against his back.

“Hey you,” she purred.

“Hello,” Cailus replied, smiling as Shae’s hands wrapped around his body. He turned around in Shae’s arms, kissing her gently and bringing his own arms down around Shae’s shoulders to hold her loosely. her skin felt blessedly smooth and clean as the shower’s sonic waves and mist did their work, a welcome change from their earlier energetic exertions. “You were asleep for a while.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep so soon after… you know,” Shae replied with a sheepish grin.

With a teasing waggle of his eyebrows, Cailus kissed Shae’s forehead affectionately at her adorable sheepishness. With that, however, his gentle smile faded into something slightly more serious as a question sprung to mind that had been rolling around in his head since the instant that Shae had fallen asleep. He had thought endlessly about Shae’s sleepy, off-the-cuff response to his proposal, debating one possibility after another, but now that he had Shae with him and could actually ask the question, he was suddenly hesitant. The pause lasted a little longer than was natural, with Cailus finally plucking up the courage to say it.

“Shae,” Cailus said carefully, the quiet thrum of the sonic shower providing an odd backdrop, “after we finished, but before we went to sleep...do you remember me asking you something?”

“Asking me- uh, no, I don’t think-” But then she stopped and her eyes went wide, this small smile growing as her face practically glowed. “Yes?” she said, hoping he would accept that as an answer to his proposal. “Yes!” she said with more excitement as her smile bloomed, her heart skipping to a staccato beat.

“Yes?” Cailus said uncertainty, looking at Shae carefully, although his smile came instinctively with hers. “By ‘yes’, do you mean…?”

“Yes!” Shae replied with a joyful giggle, bouncing on her paws a bit before putting her arms around him to kiss him. “Yes yes yes yes YES!” she affirmed happily.

Laughing with pure, unrestrained emotion, Cailus picked Shae up with glee and spun her around their cramped little shower, kissing her joyfully as they spun. Setting her back down on the tiled floor, and still grinning like an idiot, Cailus reached behind her outside the stall and retrieved a small item from the shelf over the sink, concealing it in his fist. Moving his hand between him and Shae, he opened it, and sure enough, a small ring was there, sparkling slightly in the mist as it sat upon his palm.

“Do you want to try it on?” Cailus asked Shae, still grinning.

Shae stared at the ring with breathless surprise. It was simple, but beautiful; no fancy stones as other women might adore, Shae had no interest in such finery, and Cailus must have known that because instead he had paid respect to her Irish upbringing by presenting her with a claddagh ring, a pair of hands holding a heart, her heart. With tears in her eyes, Shae reached out to touch the shimmery silvery band, almost like she was unable to believe it was real. Then she finally released a breath with a big smile and held her hand out for Cailus to place the ring on her finger.

He did just that, and thankfully, the ring slipped onto Shae’s finger in a perfect fit. Cailus too admired the ring on Shae’s finger, before appreciating the woman herself in all her glory. Taking a breath, he pressed a hand upon Shae’s cheek, cupping it lovingly.

“I had a plan, you know,” he said ruefully. “A nice meal by starlight, a dance, the whole thing. I know that this is far from perfect, not having our little one with us, but even with this situation, I don’t want to wait any longer. I want to be your husband, Shae, to be with you for as much time as we are permitted. I can’t imagine living any other kind of life.”

The smile on Shae’s face was bittersweet at the mention of Aoife, and Shae nodded in her agreement that the situation was far from perfect, but that did not diminish in any way the love they shared or the vows they now wanted to take.

“I bet you did have a plan,” Shae said with a soft laugh, leaning into his caress and kissing his wrist as her hand sought his other hand and their fingers intertwined. “But we can still do dinner and dancing, maybe as celebration after we visit Nyx to marry us,” she offered. She accepted implicitly that he didn’t want to wait, and given the circumstances, she felt no compelling reason to wait either. “And after we get out of this bubble, we can do something a bit more formal to include all our friends and family.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Cailus said, looking at her with his loving half-smile. He reached behind him to turn off the shower, a sudden silence surrounding them as the sonic emitters switched off. “For now, fiancée, the day is ours. Nyx should be in his ready room. We could go right now and ask if he’ll do it.”

“Now sounds good,” Shae said with a bright smile, but as she reached for a towel and stepped out of the shower, she felt a wave come over her and for a moment it felt like the room was spinning. She had felt a little lightheaded moments ago, but she just thought that had simply been the excitement of the proposal; it was easy to forget how the stress of the endless work, among other things, had weakened her body. “Although I should probably eat something first,” she remarked as she held tight to the shower stall to keep her steady.

Cailus moved to support Shae’s shoulders, frowning in concern, although his worry eased when Shae mentioned food. “Go on in and sit down,” he said gently. “I’ll heat up some rations.”

“Thanks,” Shae replied, then wrapped up in a towel, then grabbed an extra towel to dry her hair and tail. “So, we’re really going to do this?” she said as she moved to the table and sat down, her words were more as a statement of disbelief than an actual question; it simply amazed her, especially seeing how far they had come.

Cailus was only a few seconds behind Shae, having stayed in the bedroom to dress himself as Shae took the extra time to dry her hair and tail. As he approached their stove, now clad in a relaxed black t-shirt with equally black pants, he chuckled at Shae’s question. “I think we are,” he said with amusement, organising the leftover rations on the table. “That is what typically happens when you say ‘yes’ to a marriage proposal.”

“Well in all fairness, when most people get engaged, they stay engaged for a while so they can get everyone excited while the wedding is planned,” Shae said to tease him. And as she watched him tidy up to prepare the rations into something a bit more palatable, her smile faded as something else came to mind. “H-hey, I think there’s something else we should, you know, talk about first,” she said with a hint of unease. “Kids; I know it’s something you probably don’t want to talk about right now, but I think we should. Talk about it, that is.”

Cailus’ smile vanished at Shae’s words, although he continued working on the ingredients before putting them in the frying pans. With that done, he half-turned to look back at Shae with the air of a man who had been expecting a difficult conversation. “You mean now that we’re here. In the Bubble.”

“Yeah,” Shae said softly as she continued to tousle her tail with a towel to work out all the water. “Don’t get me wrong, even if we were outside the bubble, I wouldn’t be ready for kids right now, but one day… One day I really would love to give you a whole housefull of rugrats to drive you crazy. But not here. I know we have to hold onto to hope that we’ll get out of here soon, but the part of me that’s detached and pragmatic knows that… that may not be possible. I don’t know how long we’ll be stuck here, and it’s bad enough that I may have to… watch everyone die, I can’t damn another soul to that fate, I can’t.”

Cailus’ shoulders jerked at the instinct to go comfort Shae, although he sighed in frustration upon remembering that the temperamental stove required his full attention. They didn’t often talk about Shae’s lifespan, about how she would eventually see everyone she knew die, but it was certainly something that Cailus knew about. The idea of Shae living for centuries in the bubble, long after he and everybody else had long since died, had been an occasional nightmare for him over the past few days.

“I know, love,” he said instead, although Cailus couldn’t stop the sadness that infiltrated his voice. “I would like nothing more to give Aoife a sibling or two, but not while we’re here. It would be cruel to bring a child into this place.” He paused to attend to the rations (‘spinach omelette, eggs not included’), the crackling of the pans being the only sound for a few moments. “Proposing to you, marrying you, that’s easy. It’s the easiest thing I can ever do. Being a father again, though...I don’t know if I could do that again. Not after…” Cailus stopped mid-sentence and while his back was turned to Shae, there was no hiding the hand that he hurriedly brought to his eyes. “Not after losing two daughters.”

“I understand, dearheart,” Shae said softly. She hated bringing all this up and making Cailus so sad when they both should be happy, but her cycle was not that far off, so this was something they would have had to discuss anyway, so better sooner rather than too late. “Since, uh, we don’t have the safety net of monthly injections, I was thinking if the temptation was too strong when my cycle comes around that I might bunk elsewhere. I’d hate to do it, but this is something I just can’t leave to chance.”

“Alright, I hadn’t considered that,” Cailus acknowledged grimly. Deciding that the rations were about as done as they could be, he transferred them to the plates and set them on the table. Soon enough they were joined by cutlery and a couple of glasses, complete with some fake orange juice before he sat down. “If one of us is going to be moving out for a couple of days, it might as well be me. I can secure the door and sleep with Nyx. He can use the company, anyway.”

“How scandalous, what would Emilie say?” Shae said, hoping a little bit of levity would help break then tension so they could move on to happier topics now that the unpleasantness had been dealt with. “I know it’s not ideal, but it’s only… maybe twice a year. Could be worse, I could be on a monthly cycle like human women.”

“Human women don’t get that vociferous,” Cailus replied wryly as he sliced off a piece of the heated rations, although his grin and waggling eyebrows made it clear that he wasn’t referencing to her last cycle.

“I simply see no reason to show restraint when we’re together,” Shae replied with a blush as she too cut into her rations. “So…” she started, chosing her words carefully as she chewed. “Once we do get out of here, will you be wanting to commit to Aoife as well? Adoption, ‘Papa’, the whole deal?”

Sipping some juice while Shae asked the questions, Cailus looked at her contemplatively. It was a question that he’d been expecting, although foreknowledge didn’t help inform his response. He glanced around at the detritus along the bulkheads, spying Aoife’s various things, and he sighed, feeling the enormity of what Shae was asking. “I know it comes hand-in-hand with us getting married. Practically speaking, I’ve been her father for months. Actually taking that step, though...it’s huge. I know that Aoife doesn’t have a biological father, but...dammit, I’m not sure if I’m worthy of her. Not after being such a poor father the first time round.”

“Cailus,” Shae said with a sigh, then reached across the table to take his hand. “For me, this is easy, a no-brainer; Aoife adores you, and neither of us can pretend that you don’t feel the same about her. And you weren’t a bad father to Victoire, you were an Officer in a time when serving and having a family at the same time was not an easy thing to do. Even now it’s not easy, but we’ve managed. You won’t hurt my feelings if you chose not to do this, and Aoife won’t know the difference, but… it would put my mind at ease to know that if something were to happen to me that she would still have you to love and look up to. More than that, I think you should do it for yourself, because even if you don’t feel worthy, she is yours, she has been for a while now; it’s only right that you make it official.”

Looking down at Shae’s hand over his, Cailus was silent for a long moment. His other hand dropped to his hip, and oddly, the smooth fabric of his pants helped comfort him a little. He couldn’t quite identify why this small decision was so terrifying, why it felt so much like jumping off a cliff, as if his life would be irrevocably changed by saying the words. Shae was right, after all; he truly was Aoife’s father in all but name and genetics. Choosing to fill out some paperwork shouldn’t be important, but it simply...was.

Still, he looked into Shae’s bright blue eyes, seeing the love and trust there. Slowly Cailus nodded, the words seemingly coming out of their own accord, just like when he’d proposed. “Okay. When we get out of here, we’ll make it official. I’ll...I’ll adopt Aoife.”

Shae smiled warmly; she knew the decision hadn’t been easy, and she hoped he would never have cause to regret it, but for now she was so happy knowing that they would be family. “I can’t wait to tell my family; they are going to lose it when they hear about all this. Oooh, now there’s a thought, are you ready to have in-laws again?”

Now Cailus’ eyes widened in very real horror. “Oh no…”