[AU] Reintegrating

Posted on Mon Jun 22nd, 2020 @ 11:21pm by Lieutenant Kalin Brennan-Griffin PhD & Lieutenant Krysia Kaleri-Smith
Edited on on Fri Jul 10th, 2020 @ 5:08pm

Mission: Divided We Fall
Location: Observation Lounge
Timeline: Between 'I remember you' and 'Endgame'

A Mission Post by Lieutenant Kalin 'Shae' Brennan-Griffin PhD & Lieutenant Krysia Kaleri
Mission: Divided We Fall
Location: Observation Lounge
Timeline: Between 'I remember you' and 'Endgame'
Tue Sep 4th, 2018 @ 6:06am

Shae sat in the Observation Lounge running her fingers over the strange carvings that had become her obsession nine years ago. She didn't remember carving them or what it all meant, though here and there she could work some things out in her head, but mostly she was drawing a blank. It was strange to see these markings, knowing she had done it but not knowing why. Then she sighed. This was all just a distraction, seeing as how she had said goodbye to her husband and mate last night, and just a little while ago several people had come through to remove his body and sent it out into the endless black of the Bubble. She knew she couldn't let herself fall back into despair, that she had to move forward, but she hadn't the slightest idea what to do with herself now that she was once again cognizant of her actions.

Krysia paused at the observation lounge doors before finally walking inside, "Hello Shae" she smiled as she looked at Shae, it had been a long time since the day they'd faced off against each other & Krysia knew that Shae hadn't meant what had been said that day but she understood why she'd said it. Then there were events with Madeleine and Shae's time in the tunnels now she was back & Krysia wanted to make her feel at home again.
"I'm so sorry about Cailus" she took a seat, over the years she'd become the impromptu ship's Counsellor as well as Chief of Ops and now Cailus was gone one of the leaders of the ship's community. "We've been talking & we'd like you to join us as a leader of the community Shae, it's your place and we want you back."

Shae flinched when she realized she was no longer alone; the urge to shy away from people and run back to the tunnels was overwhelming, but she remained where she was, calming herself with a quick but deep breath. "Thank you," Shae replied softly, her voice still rough from not being used for near twenty years. "But I don't deserve to help lead this community, not after all the ways I've failed it," she said with regret. "Even if you felt different, it's far too soon; I need time to process this loss and... find myself again. I know I seem more like myself, but I am still on the edge, I can feel the madness that drove me to the tunnels, feel it dancing at the edges of my mind; I need to get myself right before I try to lead."

Krysia nodded understandingly, "That's fair enough but once you've found your place again I'd like you to consider it, we need you Shae. What happened to you was....horrendous and I understand what drove you away but now that you're back I'd like to try and at least help you. If you'll let me?"

"I will take all the help I can get, because I need it," Shae said as the first sniffles started. She tried to calm herself, tried wiping away the tears, but the dam was breaking, and there was little she could do to stop the flood that rushed from her. "He's gone, Krysia! I always knew I'd outlive him, but I thought... hoped that we'd have more time together!" she started sobbing.

Krysia paused for a moment before sitting beside Shae, gently putting her arm around her to offer moral support hoping Shae wouldn't find it offensive. "I know....just let it out Shae, I'm here to listen and to help I'll do whatever I can. I wish I could bring him back for you Shae I really do."

Shae put her arms around the other woman and let herself sob into Krysia's shoulder; it was somewhat strange, things had been so strained between each other in the beginning, but all that Shae had been through had been so humbling that suddenly none of that tension mattered, and too much time had passed for those old grievances to mean anything anymore.

"I don't know what to do, I feel so lost!" Shae cried out in frustration, letting all her emotions run free in her tears; her control over her mental state was faltering, she couldn't hide from Krysia's telepathy, unintentionally letting Krysia feel all the pain and anguish she felt, and the primal drive lurking at the fringes of her mind trying to drive her back to the tunnels. It was all too much, Shae couldn't hold it back anymore as she sobbed.

Krysia gasped as she felt everything Shae was feeling the hurt, the pain, and the drive that had driven her to almost attack Krysia all those years ago. She clenched her hands as she tried to focus on controlling what she getting from Shae. "How do you.....control this?" she massaged her temples.

"What?" Shae pulled away with a sniffle, but when she saw Krysia straining, realization struck Shae like a ship at warp. "Oh my stars, I'm so sorry!" Krysia could feel the guilt and shame Shae felt just before her mental barriers went back up, and then Krysia felt nothing at all. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." Shae rambled as she shuddered. "I don't control it; it's like taking a wolf out of the forest, you can't control it, you just manage it. It's always been a part of me, but it wasn't really a problem until we came here; this place is like a cage, and that part of me doesn't like being caged..." Shae sniffled some more as she fought to calm herself, wiping at her eyes to try to clear the tears. "Cailus could always calm that part of me in ways I never though possible. I don't know what I'm going to do now that he's gone..."

Krysia massaged her temples, "it's okay Shae" she smiled now she had control back over her senses, "I'll help you, one way or another we'll get through this. We're a family Shae & you're part of that family, you've never spent any time with my family and I know Aurora & Nick are grown up now but you can come and spend time with us anytime you want."

"Thank you," Shae replied with a weak nod. "So your children are grown? Has it really been that long?" Shae knew it had been some twenty years since her breakdown, but it was just a number, it didn't feel real until now, knowing that tiny Aurora once swaddled in Aoife's old blanket was now a grown woman.

Krysia nodded "There's also my son Nick, we named him in honour of Captain Temple" she smiled, "he's the scientist among us so be prepared for a whole barrage of questions when he meets you" Krysia smiled warmly, "I wish I could have been there when you needed the help Shae, what happened to you wasn't fair it was just cruel. I am sorry for what you want through."

"Just caution him to go easy on me, I'm still finding my feet, proverbially speaking," Shae said with an attempt at a smile. "As to what happened..." Shae sighed. "I'm trying to make my peace with it, but it was no one's fault... But still, you helped when you could; Cailus told me that you helped watch over me and keep me safe during my writing compulsion, and I know that couldn't have been easy, so thank you."

"I did my part I was glad to help" Krysia smiled, "as for Nick don't worry he has his mother's talents" she tapped her head, "albeit a muted down version of them. Anyway I guess i'd best be getting back, when you're ready feel free to come & join us. If you need anything I'm only a call away, we all are."

"I know, and thank you," Shae replied, truly grateful. "Just please be patient with me; I still have a ways to go before I'm ready to truly return to the community."

"I understand a little better now I've felt it" Krysia smiled, "just take what time you need, we'll all be here."