I Gave Up On You All

Posted on Tue Jun 23rd, 2020 @ 12:46am by Captain Nycolas Temple & Lieutenant Katniss Wakefield
Edited on on Fri Jul 10th, 2020 @ 5:20pm

Mission: Death in Paradise
Location: Captain's Ready Room

A Mission Post by Captain Nycolas Temple & Lieutenant Katniss Wakefield
Mission: Death in Paradise
Location: Captain's Ready Room
Timeline:
Sun Nov 4th, 2018 @ 1:05pm

Katniss was supposed to be a scientist and a researcher, but she felt like not only had she let herself down but her colleagues as well. An overwhelming sense of guilt, not only had she written the crew off saying they were probably dead but now…after listening to their stories and what they went through, she was struggling. They had lived a lifetime in what was for her only a couple of weeks.

She hadn’t really grown close to any of the crew, she still felt like she was dumped on the Captain and her colleagues by Starfleet and really that he was obligated to take her. While the crew had grown closer she never felt further apart from them, she even missed the last senior staff briefing, holding a PADD close to her chest, she felt now was the time to see the Captain.

Katniss took a deep breath; her heart was racing as she pressed the door chime to the Captain’s ready room. She hadn’t felt this nervous since her Academy days.

Hearing the door chime, Nyx immediately called out. "Enter!"

The doors quickly opened, and Katniss knew that there was no going back, now was the time. She tried smiling but it wouldn’t come, instead, she kept a neutral composure as she slowly entered.

“Sir I’m sorry to disturb you,” she said, still grasping the PADD tightly against her, as though she was guarding it.

Nyx smiled as he saw Lieutenant Wakefield approach, and he stood out of his search to greet the officer. "Not at all. You don't know how good it feels to hear that door chime."

Katniss attempted to give a smile, but he had just reminded her of why she was here. She loosened the grip on the PADD and gently held it out to the Captain.

"Sir, my formal request to resign my commission."

The PADD began to tremble in her outstretched hand, her heart rate slowly increasing as she waited for the Captain to take it.

Nyx leaned back in his chair as he contemplated the Lieutenant’s statement. He crossed his arms, clearly indicating he had no intention of taking the offered PADD. “Sit down, Lieutenant. And explain to me exactly why it is you’re trying to resign.”

The PADD was still wavering in her hand as she gently recoiled it before she took a seat, "Permission to speak freely, sir"

"Go ahead." Nyx nodded.

"Thank you." she said pausing before getting straight to the point "To be honest, I was dumped on you, I've never really felt a part of your crew. They tolerate me, you tolerate me, but I was never your selection. I'm an outsider, people tolerate me, speak to me, but I'm still an outsider and with what just happened...." pausing again momentarily "I gave up on your on all, I said you were probably all vaporised on impact and dead and yet I didn't feel sorry or grief or sadness. I'm supposed to be a Researcher, a scientist, yet I didn't entertain any other idea other than you were dead. It isn't right, I should have been willing to explore every possibility, leave no stone unturned, you deserve a better officer than me, hence why I'm offering you my resignation."

Taking another moment, Nyx simply shook his head. "I am definitely disappointed that you, as a Scientist and Researcher, came to such a definite conclusion without any evidence. The question is, though Lieutenant, why did you decide that?"

He certainly wasn't giving Katniss an easy time, she had certainly misjudged how this meeting was going to go, she was certain that he would happily accept her resignation and be able to finally get rid of her. "Sir, I, I...well I..." she was getting flustered and Nycolas still had his arms crossed.

“Take your time.” He said, firmly but carefully.

"I just, well..." pausing again "I just feel I've never been embraced by yourself or the crew, all be it, I am basing that on a personal opinion, without any hard facts." pausing again and casting her memory back "On the other hand, there have been a few crewmembers that have tried to make me feel welcome and assist me."

This was a dilemma for Katniss, maybe her opinion on this posting was clouding her judgement, she needed to get out of her lab and her quarters more, make an effort with the crew, after all, she could certainly cook so perhaps inviting a few guests to her quarters for a meal would be a start.

"Yeah, you're not going to accept this are you sir?" Katniss said with a realisation dawning over her

Nyx shook his head. “I don’t give up on people. You say we haven’t embraced you, but have you given us a chance? I think you’ve decided in your head that you’re not part of the crew and allowed that to bias your opinion. We’re all here, Katniss, ready and willing to accept you.”

Katniss recoiled the PADD, and firmly gripped it back in her hands, what the Captain was saying made sense, her own opinion was biased, she had distanced herself from the crew, she locked herself in her lab or stayed in her quarters, clinging to the past, afraid to move on and make new friends, but that had to change, it would change.

"Sir, my apologies, can we pretend that I wasn't even here?"

"No." Nyx replied with a sigh. "I fear that there is a deeper issue that you're not dealing with. Trying to ignore it only leads to what happened after we disappeared. You're never going to feel part of the crew unless you address your issues with a professional."

"Aye Sir, I shall book an appointment with the councillor at their earliest convenience, my apologies for disturbing you sir, permission to be dismissed."

Nyx leaned back in his chair and regarded the Research Officer for a moment, before nodding. “Very well, Lieutenant. Dismissed.”

OFF