The Pacifist and the Butcher, Interlude: No Rest for the Wicked

Posted on Wed Jun 24th, 2020 @ 3:47am by Lieutenant John Sandoval & Lieutenant Krysia Kaleri-Smith
Edited on on Fri Jul 10th, 2020 @ 6:00pm

Mission: The Evils Within
Location: Kaleri's Office
Timeline: Before arrival at Hesiod

A Mission Post by Lieutenant Krysia Kaleri-Smith & Lieutenant John Sandoval
Mission: The Evils Within
Location: Kaleri’s Office
Timeline: Before arrival at Hesiod

John Sandoval had one of the worst night sleeps of his life. He tried everything and anything he could to get comfortable and fall asleep, but all he did was risk waking the one next to him. As quietly as possible, he returned to his own quarters (having left Aeryn a note explaining his absence) and slept alone in his own bed, so his tossing at least wouldn't wake someone else.

By 0300, he managed to fall asleep, where he was met by vivid dreams. He woke feeling anxious and alone.

His team saw how out of it he was at morning meeting, and it was politely suggested that he go talk to someone. And so he found himself, fairly early into the day, chiming Counselor Kaleri's door.

Krysia hadn’t been sleeping so well herself, carrying twins at six months wasn’t the most comfortable experience especially once the twins started kicking in the morning. She’d arrived at her office early and was tucking into some breakfast when the chime rang. “Come in.”

The door opened, permitting John to limp in and give the counselor a weary smile. "Do you have a minute, Krysia?"

Krysia smiled as she looked up to see Sandoval entering the office. “Lieutenant Sandoval...John, What can I do for you?”

He took a seat in the first available chair and leaned his cane on the armrest. "I've not been sleeping well at all," he admitted. "Last night was the worst of it, but it's been happening for the past week. I can't get to sleep, and when I do, the nightmares...I barely remember them, but they don't let me rest."

"Oh?" Krysia frowned and took a seat opposite, sleep problems could be very detrimental to health so it was best to get the problem sorted as soon as possible. "Tell me what you can remember about your nightmares."

He closed his eyes and rubbed them with his fists. “It’s disjointed, but I do remember some things. Men and women screaming. Dying. Fire. Sound and fury. Blood on my hands.”

Krysia nodded as she listened taking in what John was saying. "Is there anything that might have set off these dreams? Anyone you've encountered or something you've been working on?" She was worried about the possible delayed onset of post traumatic stress disorder.

"The most violence I've been party to recently was the space fight at Paradise," he answered. "But that was some time ago. These dreams started much more recently than that."

"There has to be something that triggered these nightmares for you, whether it's something you remember or not. Can you tell me if what you're remembering relates to anything in your past?"

"It does," he answered sharply. "The first time I had them was during my medical leave following my injury. I'd wake up screaming. A lot of us in the ward would. Dreams like this aren't rare among those who fought like we did, Krys."

"I know that John" Krys nodded. "But there's obviously something that's set off these nightmares for you again. An incident that's triggered a memory or something someone has said that's set off the sudden return of the memories for you. Is there anything you can recall?" She paused. "I know I sound like a broken record but it's obviously something recent that's caused this."

“I did begin an investigation into a specific historical battle,” he added. “I’ve done this before. Lots of reading and some holodeck work. But I’ve done this before, back in grad school. I didn’t have nightmares then.”

Krysia nodded. "This investigation...is it something that you've been doing a lot of research into? Spending a lot of time studying the battle? As silly as it sounds if it's on your mind then it's going to bring back bad memories for you."

"I suppose so," John said. "I have been reviewing datalogs and holorecordings. I'm trying to get in the mindset of someone who was involved in this battle. It's not been easy. Like I said, I've done this before without any ill effects. And the battle happened almost a hundred years ago."

“So what is different with this one particular battle?” Krysia looked at John curiously. “Why are you digging into it? Is it just something you’re studying or is there something you’re trying to ascertain from it?”

John sighed. “It’s a battle in which Lieutenant Griffin played a key role. He and I didn’t start off on good terms here. I made a mistake during the incident at Paradise and he didn’t react reasonably. I’m trying to understand him better. Almost a century ago he planned out the battle to retake Menelax from the Tholians. Hundreds died. I need to understand what happened then. Not just for academic curiosity, but to better understand our chief of security.”

Krysia nodded. "John you said it yourself, you're trying to put yourself inside Cailus' head to get into the mindset of Cailus or someone in the battle." She paused. "As a Therapist you're taught not to get yourself in too deep, even more so as a telepath or empath. To put yourself that deep into the mind of the person you're studying you're risking an emotional backlash, more so as you've had problems yourself in the past. It's unpleasant to say the least. trust me I know what it's like."

He listened intently to the words of his therapist.

"I did the same thing myself when I did my Psychology training, I let myself get too deep into the mind of someone I was trying to study. It was one of the most...terrifying experiences I've ever had. Only the man I chose to study was a suspected stalker and rapist." She paused and took a deep breath before looking at John. "You're going to end up digging up you're own past fears, especially if there's still unresolved issues there for you. Is studying Cailus really so important?"

John nodded. "Think of it this way: Cailus is responsible for keeping us safe when the guns start shooting. My job is to prevent the guns from even being picked up. In a way what we do is complementary but we can also interfere with each other. If he is too ready to take up arms, then my work can be threatened. Meanwhile, if I urge too much pacifism, then our reactions to real danger might be slowed. Regardless, people die if what we do isn't done right."

He took a deep breath. "In his past life, Cailus was directly responsible for a military action that a cost a lot of lives. I need to figure out how that happened. What led up to it. Was it the right course of action? Were other actions possible? And if it turns out we're working with a war criminal, I need to know. Not only for my own effectiveness, but my own sanity and moral compass."

Krysia nodded. "So why not ask for help? You're trying to figure out something that needs looking at from more than one perspective. To figure out motive you need to look at the emotion behind that motive, what thought processes lead to that moment and what actions were taken. You obviously haven't spoken to Cailus about this.

She paused for a moment. "Is there anything I can do to help? A problem shared and all that. Maybe I can add some insight that you're not seeing."

John shook his head. "Thank you, but I actually have a good idea for who can help me. I can't talk to Cailus, not yet at least. Eventually I'll need to. But I know who should be with me when it happens, and that person will also help me with the study." He gave his friend a weak smile. "Thank you for listening, by the way."

"That's what I'm here for!" Krys smiled warmly. "If you need to talk again you know where I am."

“Thanks, Krys,” John said. He pulled himself to his feet, readied his cane, and looked to the Counselor. “How are you feeling, by the way? How far are you from your due date now?”

"How am I feeling?" She fidgeted in her seat. "Like I'm a baby space whale! These two can kick like pro footballers!!" She grinned. "I'm on my 6th month and I've still got another three or so months to go. Drax pregnancies are roughly on par with Human's and being half Human helps. Carrying twins kind of makes the difference though, it's just a case of seeing how it goes."

John grinned at the vivid imagery. “Well, take care of yourself. I should get back to it though. Talk to you later.”

Krysia nodded. "By all means. Like I said I'm always available."

{OFF}