Promises Made

Posted on Fri Oct 18th, 2024 @ 6:27pm by Commander Mindo & Lieutenant Zo & Lieutenant Commander Caradan Eunidas

Mission: The Only Thing Left Was Hope
Location: Transport, headed to Earth
Timeline: Current

Everyone had been grateful Zo had fixed the replicator on the cramped, cruddy transport taking the newfound Pandora crew back to Earth. Zo came into the lounge area with a bowl of what the still-faulty but usable replicator called chili-mac and sat down on the sofa, putting his feet on the coffee table. At this hour, most people had retired to their quarters, but Zo needed to get away from his quarters, which he had to share with Greep.

Caradan was already in the lounge. Off to the side and sitting still, nearly perfectly still if not perfectly so. The solids, if they could still be called that, had a nervous need to move. Even when trying to be still, something had to twitch. It was not the case with Changelings. If one wanted to sit perfectly still, that was very much possible. Turning oneself into stone was another way of achieving just that. But Caradan had no resorted to that yet. She was in her usual casual attire, all black, to include her combat boots. Even her gloves were black this time. And her al-amira...it too was black. The lounge was already dark enough with only a single light fixture providing illumination. So, when Zo walked in without even a hint that was not alone, she did not wish to startle him. She had seen too many scary movies to know that when something that looks perfectly still, dead even (and Caradan did not feel very much alive these days), only to move with said movement ranging between a jump to a simple turning of the head, that would sometimes send the only other occupant in the scene running away in a frantic scream. In this case, said person was Zo.

In a lowered voice, but not too lowered to make him feel the place was possessed by some kind of entity, Caradan gently started with, "Zo..."

Zo's body jerked to attention and he almost dropped his bowl. The light at this hour was subdued enough that he had not seen her there. When his adjustment to the lighting allowed him to see Caradan clearer, he smiled.

"Oh, hi Caradan! I didn't see you there," he said.

Zo's reaction was far better than she had thought. Caradan moved as she sat forward becoming further illuminated. "I did not mean to scare you. Just...I was unsure how to alert you to my being here, as easily as possible. "I am glad you did not spill your food. And please," she waved off his attentive stance, "no need to pay respects to rank at this hour. I take it you are having a long night as well."

Zo sat down and nodded a little sheepishly. "Yeah. Just getting a late-night snack. I'm glad this trip is only a few days. I'm rooming with Greep. Did you know Ontarions convulse in their sleep?"

"I did not know that," she said. Honestly, she didn't. "How have you two been doing, you and Greep? Since reassignment away from the Tornado?"

"Well, we actually ended up following Mindo to the Pandora about a month after he was stationed there, and we spent the next three or so years in the Iconnu Expanse trying desperately to keep a Luna-Class starship together. In the three years after that, I guess you could say we've become spies. After the Pithos incident, Greep was called back into Intel service by Admiral Francis. His assignment to guard Mindo ended since, well, since Mindo left Starfleet. After that, mine and Greep's story gets a little into the gray area of what I can and can't tell you. Basically, we've been rolling around in this junker for the last two years doing 'freelance' work." He of course couldn't tell her they were an off-the-books counterintelligence team led by Greep answering to unofficial orders from Admirals Francis and Milne. Their latest assignment, oddly enough, involved finding the Pandora. They hadn't expected others would have the same objective from other sources.

Caradan listened attentively. It was not the details she needed to hear, nor did she intend to seek out what he could not tell her. It was the length at which he carried on that she enjoyed hearing. "It is good that you have been keeping busy. I like to hear that." She could not keep her eyes on him and looked away at something else momentarily before casting her eyes elsewhere before back to Zo. Away again. "I have been wanting to apologize to you for that last mission of the Tornado. It was...pride...on my part that made that incident happen. I know some of the crew did not make it back from that. I am glad you and Greep and Mindo did." She thought shortly. "I too have some gray area tales that may be better left unsaid. In fact, I think this mission may be gray area in the end." Already, there was something she was instructed by WHite-Eyed Watcher not to share, and that was any information regarding White-Eyed Watcher himself. She did not fully trust the...entity...but did believe that she should keep his involvement in all this a secret for now. She looked at Zo again, briefly. "At least we will face the gray area together as a crew."

Zo nodded. "Indeed we will. There's no need for an apology, but I accept it all the same. It was not a grudge any of us held against you."

"Hi all!" someone said from the entrance. Mindo stood there holding a bottle and glass. "I was up for some late-night tranya when I heard voices. Looks like we've got a Tornado reunion. Mind if I join you?"

Zo glanced at Caradan with a shrug.

"We don't mind at all," Caradan said after seeing Zo's acceptance. "I was unable to regenerate. I...uh..." She was having bad dreams again. "I was unable to regenerate and chose to sit in here for a bit. I almost scared Zo though."

Mindo's eyebrows went up as he made his way over to the coffee table. "You scared Zo?!

"She said 'almost,'" Zo replied in defense.

Mindo placed his glass on the table and uncorked the bottle of tranya. "Cara," he said as he poured, "you're going to love being part of our crew. Did Zo tell you about his rock band yet?"

Zo grinned. "Has the Chief mentioned his arcade?"

"I am aware of both," Caradan said. She did not sound entirely enthused but she also did not entirely brush them off either. "I heard about the antics and adventures of the Pandora during my ride to Risa with Captain Temple. Sounds like there is plenty of MWR for the crew. I will get to witness that first-hand once we find the ship."

"Maybe even before," Zo said. He looked at Mindo. "We'll all be searching together, right?"

Mindo rolled his eyes. "Why does everyone think I'm suddenly the Captain here?"

"Simply the rule of space," Caradan spoke up. "Whoever is the senior ranking officer in command of a team or ship, regardless of actual rank or affiliation, and this includes being appointed to said position through a higher authority or through an election process agreed upon by all personnel involved, is the captain." This was Caradan in an official mode. Maintaining eye contact was suddenly not a problem. "You, Mindo, are the captain. You may not hold the rank in Starfleet and this ship may be on loan to someone else entirely on top of you only being back in after a three-year hiatus, but you are still recognized as this team's captain. Want it or not, like it or not, the role is yours." Caradan was at least grateful she was still a newcomer to the crew, otherwise some might have looked to her to lead. "Among us, I can think of no one more suited for the role than you."

Mindo knew he was defeated on this. Just a number of hours ago, Ensign Sh'vastarth had said similar words, and even Greep had been calling him "sir" ever since the crew had boarded.

Mindo looked at Zo. "Why don't you be Captain?" he said. "You're front man in a rock band. That should count for something."

Zo grinned. "You can call me Captain if you want, but you're still the Chief." Zo stood, having finished his snack. It had been the worst chili-mac he'd ever had. "I'm off to bed," he said. "See you later."

All the while this discussion was going on, two Klingons stepped into the room. One going straight for Mindo and the other for Zo. Caradan wanted to call out for both the be careful, to end the episode before it could begin, but too many times had she seen this and too many times was she unable to speak a single word. Another Klingon, the captain, stepped into the room as well and only glared at Caradan with his awful, crooked-toothed grin.

It was Zo's, "See you later," that pulled Caradan from the vision.

"Yeah. Later, Zo," she said as he was nearly out of earshot. "Rest well."

As Zo shuffled out of the room, Mindo poured himself another glass of tranya.

"You know," Mindo said, softly and carefully, "Greep outranks you, but I'm not sure his temperament would make him a popular XO. You outrank everyone else, but I don't know if you're up for it either. We've been stuck on this cramped ship for two days and this is the first time we've been in the same room." His tone was soft, steady, and without deprecation or judgment. "I don't know if that's been intentional. It's not like I've been trying either. But having you here and not talking..."

Caradan allowed his words to trail off, wondering if he wanted her to break in or not. Though only a few seconds had passed, and she was still getting beyond the recent waking-nightmare, it felt as though a stretch of eternity had passed before she finally did speak. "I've been busy," she started. "Working on a rotating security schedule with what personnel we have." She knew the whole thing was pointless on a ship this small and with a crew, thusfar, this small. Still, it gave her something to do. "And I've been peicing together some of the ship logs and missions in an attempt to see if I can help narrow down the search. And in my first assignment in a long time and the first thing I do is lose my captain." She was beating herself up over it. "Just..." and she sought further words to her thought which had just ended abruptly, "...this mission is not going as expected."

Mindo downed his second glass of tranya and looked at the bottle. It was nearly empty. The effects of the mind meld with Aenardha began coming back.

"The mission isn't going as expected?" Mindo said, catching her last words. The way he heard the rest of what she had said was more like word salad reports and a dash of moping. "What mission?" he continued. "Did we have orders?"

"No," she said. Caradan thought briefly. "No one has official orders. Temple said he was told to find the Pandora but I never sought official orders from Admiral Milne to that affect. In fact," and Caradan sought her memory during her travel with Temple from Earth, "I never came across any official orders for anyone. It seems everyone is simply responding to our Mystery Man." Everyone, "except for me of course. I never met him until the meet and he never did respond to my outburst. I was met," by White-Eyed Watcher, but Caradan caught herself before letting that out. He did tell her not to inform anyone and though she felt the possibility that following that order alone could spell doom, she decided to adhere to it for the time being. Still, she had to finish her thought. "I was met with only an assignment to Captain Temple and not to the Pandora. This means," and Caradan did not even realize she had gotten into Security mode. Looking Mindo in the eye for prolonged durations did not bother her, she did not interlace her fingers or fiddle with her hands. Nothing bothered her. "This means we do not have official orders, or a designated plan of attack, or a method of accomplishment. We have the free range to proceed as we see fit, within Starfleet Regulations of course. How we massage those regulations is up for debate."

The word "massage" resonated with Mindo, but he kept it to himself for the time being. He struggled to focus, and when the two of them locked eyes, Mindo felt the same security. Her stare was familiar, calming. It assuaged his jittery feelings for the moment and helped to give him the feeling of being in charge, a feeling he'd never fully had.

As Chief Engineer, it was the Captain's orders that motivated him, not his own. Now people were relying on him, just him. Even this conversation with Caradan had the feel of something official, the way his meeting with Ensign Sh'vastarth had. It was the same when Zo called him "Chief" again. Mindo shoved aside a cold chill upon this reflection.

"So all we have is a vague, unofficial objective," Mindo said. "And I'm an unofficial Captain of an unofficial ship. I think we're free of Starfleet Regulations for the moment." He looked back at Caradan. There was a missing detail that had just occurred to him. "Who assigned you to Captain Temple?"

"Admiral Milne," she started, "is my only guess. Miles O'Brien informed me he found a posting for me, I agreed and next thing I knew I was reporting to the Academy's primary shuttle hub. I did not fully comb through my orders but the assignment was Chief of Security for the Pandora. It was later that I looked again and noticed that my orders were not official orders but an assignment as Chief of Security to Captain Temple. Maybe I had something of...what is it the humans call it...a Mandela Effect going on. But I could have sworn they, originally, were orders to the Pandora. The only person who could have amended this is the same as the person who authorized this. And that is Admiral Milne." Caradan thought briefly. "I wonder if the admiral, too, was visited by our Mystery Man," or by White-Eye Watcher whom Caradan was instructed not to reference in the least.

"Perhaps Professor O'Brien was too," Mindo said. Miles O'Brien had been one of Mindo's professors at Starfleet Academy, one of the few who stood up for Mindo during his hearing. It was thanks to O'Brien's teaching that gave Mindo the knowledge and ability to rescue the Pandora crew from certain annihilation in the Bubbleverse.

"In any event," Mindo continued, "our Captain is gone, leaving me in charge and without an XO. As I said before, Greep outranks you, but I need him elsewhere. You're the best candidate for the role. I leave it up to you to decide. I understand if you say no." Mindo didn't need to bring up his knowledge about the last time she had been an Executive Officer. He may not have known any details, but he could easily tell whatever had happened had been more than traumatizing. Caradan wasn't anywhere near being the person she had been on the Tornado. Mindo wondered if Caradan's positive memories of them together had become deep wounds somehow. It had been on his mind ever since their only other encounter, back on Risa. He hadn't noticed until now that he no longer had any chills, and his anxiety had dissipated as he talked to Caradan.

"You want me..." she started and had begun coming out of Security Mode. Caradan suddenly could not maintain eye contact for long; did not even realize she started fiddling with her hands again. "...to be your First Officer," and she said that half as a question and half as a statement she repeated aloud to herself as a means to fully understand what Mindo was asking. "I..." and she remembered promising White-Eye Watcher that she would do the opposite of what Mystery Man wanted. And, though she had no idea what Mystery Man wanted in this case, she made eye contact with Mindo long enough to say, "I'll do it," but she quickly added, "until we get to Earth. You certainly may want a more qualified officer to be your XO. The last time I was XO of a ship..." and she allowed her words to trail off knowing Mindo knew fully well the outcome of her decisions. "And you will talk me down," she said in something of an ordering tone, "if I have a plan that you deem is too risky, dangerous, or might get people killed."

"Of course," Mindo said, "but I don't need an XO for the ride back to Earth. That's only a few days. I need someone I trust beside me when we embark on the mission to find the Pandora, if indeed those are our orders."

"I doubt we will get orders," she said. "This whole venture seems completely off the books. From a security standpoint, we are a crew on detached service with but one goal in mind." She was looking Mindo in the eye again. "Find the Pandora. Without orders is just another way of saying 'by any means necessary.'" Caradan realized there was still an unanswered question from Mindo; that of the position of XO. She wanted to say 'no' and to remain Chief of Security but a thought emerged in her mind. It was a memory of them two together years ago. Though there was some intimacy and secret-sharing it was Mindo's declaration that 'I can fix that' that resonated in her thoughts. Whatever breaks, she was still confident he would be able to fix. She did not really see any avenue of him 'fixing' her, but whatever situation they found themselves in, he would be able to find an answer, as out-of-the-box as it might be.

Caradan was unable to maintain eye contact with him again and found herself fiddling with her gloves, ensuring a snug fit on her hands; forced herself to stop. "If we do not get orders," she started up again, "we may not get a ship. I can pull some strings and see about a Defiant Class vessel. We could also see if our Intelligence Officer, Aenardha, can get Qaraq's people to send her a ship more capable than this, something akin to a Defiant Class. I think we will require both stealth and agility. That is something bigger ships do not always have." There was still the unanswered question. "Given that," and she thought to speak before she could think on it any longer, "yes. I will do it." She could feel her entire being pulse slightly from the anxiety of her acceptance. "I will submit to you, the same contract I get Captain Takato on the Tornado." It was the same contract where she volunteered to assume only two forms, her natural state and her featureless humanoid form. All other forms she would take on would be through orders or necessity only.

Mindo got off his chair and went over to the couch next to Caradan. "I accept, with one condition," Mindo said. "When on duty, be wearing a Starfleet uniform. Other than that, take the form that that feels most comfortable. Present state included." His voice dropped in volume slightly, but still louder than a whisper. Now he sounded less like someone giving orders. There was weight in his voice, an affirmation. "Cara, I need you the way you need to be to be First Officer. It's not lost on me that this is a hard decision for you. So if my trust isn't enough, you still have my love."

She could not look at Mindo for long. She had to look away. Caradan was having another waking-terror; a Klingon standing behind him, readying his mek'leth. "That is acceptable," she said. "I have looked through the regulations. My gloves and al-amira are approved. That will not be a problem." She looked back at him, still alive, Klingon gone. "I prefer real uniforms now anyway. And," she broke eye contact, "I focused on Command at the Academy before turning to Security. I will make an adequate XO."

"I remember you telling me that," Mindo said. "Regulation or not, I approve your extra apparel while on duty. I know you well enough to know you're not wearing them for fashion reasons. I also understand when someone doesn't want to be touched. Just know that I'm right here, and I'm not going to leave you again, even if we can't touch."

Caradan was not sure how to interpret that last bit. She looked at him shortly and pondered if he had been speaking with her former counselor. It was most likely the case that she was that much of an open book to read, which was, in fact, what she wanted; to show people she had nothing to hide, because hiding things was what Changelings were most known for.

She had to look away from him again after several seconds when it became uncomfortable for her again. She could already imagine hearing the door open and another Klingon step in. Looking away made the thought disappear. "I, uh..." and she allowed herself to fiddle with her hands, poke her gloved hand in the palm a few times. "Dr..." and she decided to leave names out of it as she already had a suspicion that Mindo already knew, in some capacity, her counselor, "my counselor that is...diagnosed me...after several tests of course...with haphephobia. Odd name, I know. I was surprised there was even a term for that, but it...it's the aversion to being touched. I..." she looked away to various spots about the lounge, "nearly jump out of my uniform if I am touched by surprise." She was quick to add that, "it is no trouble on duty or when I am in Security or, in my case now, XO Mode. So, don't think I will let this impact my performance or duties."

Mindo almost choked upon hearing this, but he knew that he'd prepared for it in the back of his mind. "I guessed something like that," he said. "The gloves, the fidgeting... the fact you can't look at me for more than a few seconds. We don't have to go into this now. In fact, I'm not quite a hundred percent at the moment." The anxiety from the mind meld seemed to be coming back. "But when the time comes, I hope you can tell me whatever it is that makes you uneasy around me."

"It's not just you," she semi told the truth. "I am this way around just about everyone." The truth was, she was more uncomfortable around Mindo than anyone else. "But it's only during down time, social meetings, and..." Caradan let her words trail off. "Not during duty hours or when duty calls otherwise," she said as she managed a few seconds of eye contact.

Mindo shook his head. "None of that is reassuring me. I understand you went through a traumatic experience. But you've been safe for a long time. Long enough that Professor O'Brien had enough faith in you to bring you back. You have nothing to fear now except your own fear. That's what's holding you back. It's your fear, Cara, nothing else. If you can't even look at me, or socialize with other crew during your down time then I have little faith you'll be able to do that on duty. That's ridiculous. There's no on/off switch that will make you better enough to do your job. That said, I do see what O'Brien sees. Your being here means you believe you're through the worst of it too. It's only a few steps to take before you can look me in the eye. After we get back to Earth, we'll have three month's time off. That's three months to shed the rest of this fear and be comfortable enough to take orders and socialize. In fact, I order you to socialize. Get to know the crew. Get to know me again. Three months, and no one has to touch you. Can you do that?"

Caradan's chest expanded and contracted as she breathed. She did not even know she had mimicked the lungs with which to do that with. "I will try," she said and looked at him, in the eye, for a solid five seconds. She had counted inwardly. She did not tell him of the other three phobias of hers. "My counselor tried telling me to do exactly that, and..." though she had given up, "I will get it another go. You are right. What kind of Executive Officer can I expect to be if I don't..." she found the word 'socialize' somewhat foreign to her and decided to end her thought there. "I will try. Three months. I am confident," no she wasn't, "that will suffice." She looked at Mindo again while cracking half of a smile.

Mindo smiled back. "Don't forget to socialize with me too," Mindo said. "I'm always here for you."

'And always dying,' Caradan imagined herself saying, but kept that thought to herself. The words she chose were, "I thank you, Mindo." She looked at him briefly. "And I will perform my duties. Just," she looked away, "give me time to get comfortable and open up. I will try," but she was unsure of the amount of success she would achieve. Making eye contact with him again, and for slightly longer than her average length of time, "You have your XO." Though she fought against not saying it, Caradan added, "And you have your friend."

End