[AU] How It All Ends

Posted on Mon Jun 22nd, 2020 @ 11:14pm by Lieutenant JG Vecon Fick
Edited on on Fri Jul 10th, 2020 @ 5:03pm

Mission: Divided We Fall
Location: Jefferies Tubes
Timeline: Bubble verse, Eight year mark

A Mission Post by Lieutenant JG Vecon Fick
Mission: Divided We Fall
Location: Jefferies Tubes
Timeline: Bubble verse, Eight year mark
Fri Aug 24th, 2018 @ 12:30am

WARNING: This post contains suicide.


:ON

Lieutenant JG Vecon Fick was tired. He’d been tired for a long time, but the tired that he felt now was way beyond anything he thought he would ever have to endure. Rarely did he even leave the Jefferies tube where he had taken up residence. Not that he had anything but a blanket and even that was tattered. Tattered like Fick felt his soul might be. He felt like, if someone came and lifted his soul up out of his body, and held it up where it could be seen, that it would not appear to be a soul at all, but torn ribbons of what he once was. He was tired.

When Marcurio had died, Fick thought that he could endure no more pain, but the Captain’s death had been far beyond that and slowly but surely his entire support system had broken down around him. Fick felt that in some ways he, unlike some of the others, had had to deal with most of this experience on his own. His loneliness consumed him, actually causing physical pain if he dwelled on it too long. For years he had been able to shove the consuming sadness down, but as time had gone on it had slowly seeped in until it was all he could think about. He was tired.

He wasn’t sure how long he had lain in the Jefferies tube with no sleep and no food. The passage of time was a mystery, mostly because he no longer cared. He was fairly certain it had been awhile since he had even spoken to anyone. He thought of home, of his family, of K’Laus. He was sure that after all this time they had certainly moved on. Starfleet had probably pronounced them dead after a year, maybe they even waited two years, but it was well past that two years now. He really wasn’t totally sure how long they had currently been in the bubble, but he knew it was between seven and eight years. All of his hope was gone. He was tired.

There were times, during their containment that he had felt he had lost hope before now. Each time he had managed to pick himself back up and continue on, even with his emotions and sense of loss consuming him. He struggled and much like any struggle there were good times and bad ones. Times when he could hold it together and times that he had come undone. Now, he no longer felt any of that. He felt empty, hollowed out and void like the vastness of the black that surrounded them. At least this way they could save food. At least this way no one would have to worry about him. He was tired.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t tried. He most certainly had tried, but as the years had worn on all of the try had somehow gone out of him. He had held on until he couldn’t even try to live. Once Shae had been lost to her own mind, it seemed to be the last downward spiral for Lieutenant JG Vecon Fick as well. He sat up in the Jefferies tube, the action making him dizzy. He wasn’t sure from what. Maybe he’d been laying in one spot for too long, maybe it was the lack of food or water. He closed his eyes for a moment and took slow deep breaths. He was tired.

He reached out numbly and pulled a handheld phaser from under his blanket. He had taken it days ago. Either no one had noticed, or no one cared, but no one had come looking for the weapon. He wouldn’t have given it up anyway, even if they had found it and tried to take it from him. He looked down at it, laying across his thigh. It seemed almost foreign. It had been a long time since he had held a phaser, much less had one in his possession. He was very tired.

He had watched the Bubble take them apart and put them back together only to take them apart again. There was no escape, the space they occupied getting smaller and smaller all the time, there was no relief, only the ticking of the hours, days… years… His hands felt numb, it was hard to get them to do what he wanted them to do. Slowly, he picked up the phaser with both hands and turned it on. He also also made sure it was not set on stun. As he lifted the phaser again he thought of K’Laus and it brought tears to his eyes and lowered the phaser back into his lap. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed. He knew that this was not the solution that K’Laus would want him to pick. A warrior didn’t kill himself in the face of difficulty, but Fick was not a warrior and he was extremely tired.

The tears eventually stopped when he was too tired to cry anymore. He may have even fallen asleep because he felt like K’Laus was there with him. He lay his head on the Klingon’s chest and listened to his hearts beat and the strong rise and fall of his breathing. He could even smell the Klingon, that dark, musky scent that he loved so much. It was full of comfort and for a moment Fick felt like everything was alright again and then he woke up. He was still sitting up in the Jefferies tube and the nightmare was still his reality. He didn’t even have it in him to cry even though the feeling swelled up inside of him, there was no moisture left for him to shed. The good news was that the phaser was still in his lap and he was still exceptionally tired.

Where he had been numb before, everything was now screaming in pain from sleeping sitting upright. Every movement was like thousands of needles piercing his flesh. It would be over soon. The phaser had shut itself off, since it had been idle for long enough, to conserve its power. Fick struggled to turn it back on. It was still on the appropriate setting. He had thought about his method for murdering himself for quite some time. He was particularly concerned about leaving behind a mess that people would have to clean up. It seemed cruel enough that someone would have to eventually find his body. He had decided that he did want to leave a body. He could set the phaser all the way up and simply vaporize himself, but he didn’t want them looking when he would not be found. One shot through the back of his head would be all he needed.

He turned the phaser over in his hands, looking down at it for a moment before he lifted it, put the end of it in his mouth and pressed the button.

:OFF