[AU] I Remember You

Posted on Mon Jun 22nd, 2020 @ 11:19pm by Cailus Griffin & Lieutenant Kalin Brennan-Griffin PhD & Petty Officer 1st Class Jun Takada
Edited on on Fri Jul 10th, 2020 @ 5:08pm

Mission: Divided We Fall
Location: Cailus' Quarters (formerly the captain's ready room)
Timeline: Twenty seven years into the Bubble

A Mission Post by Lieutenant Cailus Griffin & Lieutenant Kalin 'Shae' Brennan-Griffin PhD & Petty Officer 1st Class Jun Takada
Mission: Divided We Fall
Location: Cailus' Quarters (formerly the captain's ready room)
Timeline: Twenty seven years into the Bubble
Sat Sep 1st, 2018 @ 12:08am

It had been a long time since Shae had ventured outside the Jefferies tubes; she had lost track of all sense of time the longer she spent in her makeshift den, but the one regularity in that bleary existence had been Cailus. Ever since the loss of their child and then her psychosis that compelled her to carve complex equations into the walls, he maintained visits to her as part of his daily patrols, bringing her food and talking to her even if she didn’t talk back.

But then one day, he stopped coming. Other people started coming around to leave food for her, but it was really irregular and none of them ever stayed to talk. After a few days with no sign of Cailus, his scent began to wane from her den, and when she could finally smell him no longer she went out in search for him. She wandered the halls in her filthy, threadbare clothes, her hair and fur matted up beyond saving, and everyone she passed looked at her strangely, keeping a wide berth as she passed them by, either because she was more than a little ripe or because they might have been outright afraid of her. But she continued on, and once she picked up on Cailus’ scent, she managed to find where he was.

For Cailus, it had been a dreary week. It had been nine years since Shae’s mathematical break, twenty one years since Shae’s initial breakdown, twenty seven years since the Pandora’s upper decks had been ripped away from its home universe, and every single one of those years was etched into Cailus’ body. There was no denying it now. He was old, extremely so. His hair had long since faded to white, and deep wrinkles now lined Cailus’ eyes. He was clean-shaven now, but Cailus’ body was failing him to the point that he needed help just to shave, his twitching hands no longer dexterous enough to handle a razor. Arthritis was creeping into Cailus’ limbs, making his daily visits to Shae a torturous exercise as he crawled through the tunnels.

Now, though, as he lay in his bed in the captain’s old ready room beside the Bridge, Cailus was finally dying. Louis, the nurse-turned-doctor, was unable to diagnose anything specific with the available equipment, but it wasn’t hard to guess. Eighty seven years in an inadequate cryostasis pod, plus another twenty seven years of hard living in the Bubble with poor medical care, was simply too much. Despite his biological age of 64, Cailus looked much closer to his true age of 152, now suffering from severe physical weakness and frequent blackouts in the past week, not even able to stand up on his own any more.

It was only in Cailus’ blue eyes that his former self could be discerned, still as sharp and penetrating as ever. Thus he lay on his bed, writing on a weathered old PADD to pass the time. There was little else to do as he waited for the end.

The door was already open as Shae made her way across the Bridge. She really stood out amongst the others standing watch, but no one was willing to stop her from following her nose to the Ready Room and taking a peek inside. When she saw him, her breath caught in her throat when she finally took notice of how aged he appeared, a stark contrast to herself having remained virtually unchanged, aside from her hygiene of course. But in Shae’s eyes, Cailus was still as handsome as ever, and she slowly padded in to get closer.

It took a moment for Cailus to register that someone had come in, and when he did, it took him a good minute to believe what he was seeing. Of course, when Shae’s quite potent scent reached his nostrils, then Cailus most certainly did believe that she was there as he coughed painfully. As much as he loved Shae, she absolutely stunk, but…

“You’re here,” Cailus rasped, his eyes drinking in the sight of Shae. Even filthy, wild and reeking, she was the most beautiful thing he’d seen in decades. “How?”

Shae tilted her head curiously; how else would she get here, she walked! She stepped closer until she noticed the way Cailus was moderating his breathing, forcing himself to breathe through his mouth to avoid smelling her. She stopped and bent her head down to give herself a curious sniff, then coughed, and her eyes grew watery; maybe it was time to do something about this, and she promptly turned around and walked out the door.

Shae would return several hours later, scrubbed clean and in her blue dress. Her hair and tail were still damp, and both had thin patches where she had to get help cutting out the matted hair and fur, but for a moment she looked like her old self as she drew closer to Cailus’ bedside.

It was like a dream, but Cailus knew full well that it was real. Takada, the kind woman who had been helping him for the past couple of years, had told Cailus where Shae had gone when she left, so he knew to expect her. Even so, it was a wondrous sight, and Cailus’ wizened features cracked with a smile as she approached.

“I knew that you’d come home,” he said warmly. “Eventually.”

At that, Shae smiled, though it was with a hint of sadness, because she had finally come ‘home’ only because he was now unable to come see her. But she was here, and it was her turn to take care of him. She knelt beside the bed, leaning in to nuzzle his weathered cheek with that old familiar cooing mate chirp. Even without words, the meaning was abundantly clear:

I love you

The meaning wasn’t lost to Cailus, even after all those years, and he awkwardly left his PADD on his stomach to take Shae’s hand. “I love you too,” he murmured, and while his voice had grown more gravelly with age, it was still unquestionably Cailus’. “I don’t know how long I have left. Could be hours. Could be weeks. Poor doc can’t say for certain. I’m glad you here.”

Shae’s ears drooped when she realized how dire his condition was; he had been visiting her even when things were that bad?! It was possible he had already told her of his condition, but for the longest time she had stopped listening to his words because she was focused on the soothing tone of his voice, even as it became rougher with age. With a sad whine, she reached across him with her free hand to hold him lovingly, resting her head on his shoulder; she was here now and she would make the most of what little time he had left!

As husband and wife were reacquainting themselves with each other, Takada seemed to choose that moment to come upon the sweet and innocent display. She grinned coyly as she brought in a tray of food for Cailus.

“See, I told you she would come back, you crotchety old man,” Takada said smugly as she set the tray on the desk, the friendly banter born from all the assistance and care she’d given him in recent years. “And you clean up well, ma’am,” she remarked as she brought over a bowl of soup to Shae. “Here, his hands shake badly, so you’ll have to help him,” Takada explained, then deposited a new PADD in Cailus’ lap. “And here are the daily reports for you to read, nosey old fart.”

“Hmph,” Cailus grunted in response, accepting the PADD with his steadier right hand, the old malfunctioning prosthetic still working better than its organic opposite number. “Good, the garden growth statistics are up,” he grumbled, as much for Shae as for Takada. “And power levels are back to normal after that blowout yesterday. Not Aurora’s fault, that. Yugrid was her supervisor, should’ve been watching the power levels and her trainee at the same time, not just focused on just one aspect.”

Pausing to swallow some soup that Shae ladled into his mouth, Cailus smiled apologetically at his wife before gingerly handing the PADD back to Takada. “You’re doing good, girl,” he told Takada gruffly. “I don’t say it often enough, but you are. I can see well enough how you’re handling the other things before these reports come to me, and how you’re working with Kaleri and Smith. The three of you will be fine when in charge after I’m gone.”

Takada just smiled as she took the PADD. “Look at that face, isn’t he just adorable?” she said to Shae, who nodded enthusiastically in response as she spooned more soup for Cailus. “I tell you what, that gruff scowl used to scare the wits out of me, now you’re just so damned cute.”

Cailus rolled his eyes, knowing full well how unimpressive he was while propped up on a bed with Shae feeding him soup. “Yes, well, away with you, get back to that pod and your work,” he grumbled. “I know you only come here in the morning to avoid that crush of yours, even if it means disrupting a marital reunion. Or didn’t your parents ever teach you not to interrupt important moments?”

“Oh, you have no idea, old man,” Takada replied with a grin. “No idea at all…” she said for emphasis as she walked out of the room, leaving Shae giggling at them both.

With Takada gone, Cailus glanced back at Shae, silent as he gazed at her features close in. It was remarkable, even disconcerting, how little she had physically changed in the past twenty seven years since they had first met on the Tornado. Of course, physical aging had always been a private joke for their little family, back when they’d still had Aoife. The true aging went on underneath, and Cailus’ happy smile dimmed as he remembered what Shae had endured.

This brought to mind another thought, and retrieving his personal PADD from his stomach, Cailus held it up, the hand only twitching a little. “This is for you,” he said, his gruff voice becoming soft. “I started writing it a while ago. All the things I wanted to say, all the stories I could never tell you. It’s garbage, I never was as good with words as you, but it’s there.”

Funny that he should say that when she was nearly mute now. But Shae accepted the PADD, looking at it as though it was something completely new to her, though the longer she stared at it, the more she seemed to remember, and with each passing moment more of the fog lifted from her mind. She smiled at him, then set the PADD in her lap, wanting to focus on making sure Cailus had something to eat; she could always read while he was resting. Her eyes drifted to the etchings on the walls as she carefully rose the spoon to Cailus’ mouth, wondering idly where all those strange mathematics had come from, but now wasn’t the time for that.

After watching Shae silently for a couple of minutes as she fed him, Cailus’ good humour faded, sadness creeping back into his eyes. It was the damndest thing. Seeing Shae like this had been a moment of extraordinary joy, but now the moment had faded. The miracle had arrived, but it only emphasised what was now inevitable: Cailus would soon die. He had known it for quite a while, months in fact, but Shae’s presence made it all the more glaring, making Cailus’ imminent demise all the more real, like there was an invisible predator poised to strike at any moment right behind him.

“Will you stay with me?” he asked with sudden hoarseness, tightening his grip on Shae’s hand, fear starting to creep into Cailus’ aged soul. “I don’t want to be alone for this. I’m...dammit, I’m scared Shae…”

With a sad whine, Shae smiled. With her free hand, she reached out to tenderly caress his cheek as she used to, as though for her no time had passed at all. Nothing could keep her away from him now, she would not let him go through this alone!

Understanding the unspoken intent, Cailus allowed himself to take comfort in Shae’s touch, so long lost but never quite forgotten. “Thank you, love,” he muttered. “Thank you…”


The next few days passed easily, certainly more so than before Shae’s return. Cailus’ health continued to deteriorate, his strength failing more and more, but it no longer seemed to matter. A couple of meetings with Smith and Kaleri were sufficient to ensure that everything was in order, and so without ceremony, the two of them took over leadership of the community so that Cailus could spend his last days with Shae in peace.

It was a surprisingly pleasant feeling to have that old burden lifted, the twenty six years after Captain Temple’s death having forced Cailus into a position that he had neither wanted nor enjoyed. He told Shae as much, and indeed, for all of Cailus’ terseness once upon a time, he hardly stopped talking during those last few days, as if determined to get everything said before the end arrived. He had done much the same before, of course, on his daily visits to Shae in her tunnels, but she had been so uncommunicative then, only hearing his voice, not the words.

Now however, Shae actually listened, even responding in the odd whines, mewls and growls that their long-lost daughter had used to communicate. It was a treasured gift.

Even so, it had to end eventually. On the eighth morning after Shae’s return, Cailus began to feel a new tightness in his chest, yet another symptom of his body’s organ shutdown. By noon, as he and Shae listened to music together, it had become a stabbing pain, and by late afternoon as they continued reading Wizard’s First Rule, it had become almost unbearable. Cailus hid it as best as he could from Shae, even though she had surely noticed as she fed him, then changed his clothes for bed.

Finally, as he lay in the bed, watching Shae while she cleaned their quarters, Cailus realised that the piercing, horrible pain in his chest had quite suddenly vanished, as if it had never been there. Oddly, conversely, he felt stronger, better, as if he could perhaps try standing up again, even walk.

Cailus knew what that meant. He still remembered that hot day in San Francisco 135 years ago, when an ancient Andorian doctor had lectured the class on what happened when a person died. The delirium that came as the brain struggled to cope with failed organs.

Thus, when Shae came out of the bathroom, her hair still a little wet from the shower, Cailus took in the sight of her, appreciating Shae’s beauty more than ever. He could see Aoife in her movements sometimes, the way they both looked around, the way they quirked their nose. He could see Madeline in her ears and tail. Thinking back, Cailus smiled in satisfaction that he could still remember Harriet and Victoire; the day that he had married Harriet properly, in that grand wedding on Tellar Prime, and that wonderful day when Victoire had arrived into the world, overwhelming her gobsmacked parents.

Not bad, really. Not bad.

“Shae,” Cailus croaked, now feeling blissfully comfortable in the bed, more comfortable than ever before. “Time to sleep, love.”

“Time to say goodbye.” The first words Shae had uttered in twenty-odd years were so soft, just barely a whisper, but they rang true; she had seen how this day was weighing on him, and she knew. She was no more ready than she had been the day before, but it was out of their hands, and unlike before when she fought the inevitable and let it drive her feral, this time at the very least Cailus had been able to pull her back a little bit so that she could accept what was happening and say goodbye. This was their chance to say anything that had been left unsaid, and for Shae, there was only one thing she truly needed to unburden. “I’m sorry I was not a good wife since… since Madeline… I couldn’t accept the truth and I caused you more pain than you should have had to bear.”

“I never blamed you,” Cailus said roughly, summoning a little more strength for his voice in this last talk, forcing his eyes to stay open through sheer force of will. “Not for a second, you hear? Besides, none of it matters. Not now. We’re together. Always.”

“You were always too good for me,” Shae said as she sat on the edge of the bed and held his hand. Tears were forming in her eyes, but she would not let them fall, not yet. “I will always carry you in my heart, my love. Now, put on your best scowl and do Piesor proud as you face this night.”

Far from scowling, Cailus somehow managed to grin, and then he even laughed, an asthmatic rasping sound that was nevertheless full of mirth. “That...old bastard...would hate me for...laughing…” he got out inbetween laughs, tears forming in his own bright blue eyes, running down his wrinkled cheeks. Easing down from that laugh, Cailus relaxed once more as he looked into Shae’s eyes, smiling at the last.

“Thank you for...for giving an old man a second life,” he whispered, now feeling an irrepressible weight upon his eyes before they finally, inevitably closed. “Love you,” he muttered, and with that, Cailus’ breathing slowed, his body easing into its final sleep.

“Sleep, dearheart,” Shae bade him as she leaned in to place a kiss on his brow. Then she lowered her head to his chest, feeling the weakening rise and fall of his chest and listening to his heartbeat grow faint and erratic. She finally let her tears fall, letting them soak into his shirt as her eyes slowly drooped closed; the emotional strain of watching him slowly slip away had taken its toll on her, and she slipped into slumber with him, missing those final precious beats before there was nothing at all.

The next morning when Shae finally woke, she knew he was gone. She didn’t need to check for a pulse, she just knew; with a face as contented as his, there was no other truth. She would not dishonor him by going feral again, this time she had to accept, and she did. She never believed in an afterlife before, but she wanted to believe now, if only for the hope that one day she would see him again.

“Wait for me, my love; I’ll have to take the long road,” she said, smiling even as tears fell once again. Then she rose and turned her back to him; her beloved husband was here no longer, she had to look forward, she had to survive, and that meant getting the hell out of this Bubble!

END