How Do You Say Sorry When it Never Happened?
Posted on Tue Jun 23rd, 2020 @ 1:34am by Lieutenant K'Laus & Lieutenant JG Vecon Fick
Edited on on Fri Jul 10th, 2020 @ 5:24pm
Death in Paradise
Location: Crew Quarters
Timeline: After AU Timeline
A Mission Post by Lieutenant JG Vecon Fick & Lieutenant K'Laus
Mission: Death in Paradise
Location: Crew Quarters
Timeline: After AU Timeline
Date: Fri Dec 28th, 2018 @ 5:19pm
Fick stood quietly in the hallway, next to K'Laus, as the Klingon opened the door to their quarters. It was still sort of hard for him to believe that none of what he had experienced for the past eight years had been real. He stared at K'Laus, expecting him to disappear at any moment. It hardly seemed real. Of course, he was glad that the Bubble had not been real. So glad. So much relief had poured through him when he had regained consciousness in sickbay. Sickbay. Actual Sickbay. He had closed his eyes and opened them again several times before he believed that he might actually be back on the Pandora. "Back" on the Pandora was sort of relative.
Their door slid open and Fick stepped quickly inside. Things were much how he remembered them, but he was pretty sure K'Laus had done some decorating. "It... it looks nice in here..." he said softly. It was weird to speak to someone. Regardless of the unreality of the Bubble, Fick still felt like he hadn't spoken to anyone in months. "I... I really, really missed you." He teared up, but bit the inside of his bottom lip hard to keep from bursting into tears.
His Klingon lover was equally as pleased to see him as he always was pleased to see Fick, if not accompanied by subtle or not so subtle annoyance. Fick was uncontrolled emotion and energy balled up into a small yet rather muscularly built package of blonde hair and a Risian sun tan. Of course the Klingon was not about to burst into tears. It would have been highly against his stoic nature and fierceness. Though he did allow a smirk to curl up the corner of his mouth and his dark chocolate eyes melted as the radiating young man-boy from Risa came closer and closer.
"It looked nicer the moment you walked in," replied the Klingon. "I was beginning to feel... concerned," he said with his throat scratchy. "Your companionship being gone left a void that could not be filled. So, I welcome your return to the here and now for as long as we both shall live," added K'Laus. He wrapped his strong Klingon arms around Fick and gave him a secured squeeze.
Fick clung to the larger Klingon and this time he couldn't stop the tears. He buried his face in K'Laus' chest. "I thought I would never see you again. I waited eight years." His voice was muffled and tearful. It felt so good to be back in K'Laus' arms. Fick had never really realized what people meant about their spouses or partners being their heart. He knew now. He tightened his grip on the Klingon. "It was bad. It was really bad. I'm sorry I'm emotional. I don't ever want to be without you again."
Fick leaned back a little to wipe his face and sniffle. "I made a lot of mistakes, K'Laus... a lot of really stupid mistakes. I'm glad none of it really happened, but it sure felt like it did." He leaned against K'Laus again and took a deep, slow breath. "I'm glad it's over.."
"Eight years is a long time to wait for anything, Fick. I wish I could say the same. I wish I could feel what you felt and been there with you through it all," replied his boyfriend. "I do not know what mistakes you made, but you can tell me about them if you want. Eight years of mistakes bottled up inside cannot be good for your health," added K'Laus. "Coming from a Klingon of course. I can only imagine how strange that may seem, but the counselling sessions that I have been attending have done me some good. I know now that my thick skull cannot protect me from the emotional pain," he said with a sigh.
"Aww, but I love your thick skull. I wish you could have been there with me too," Fick said softly. "Maybe I wouldn't have made the mistakes I made. I tried to stay hopeful. I really tried." He was still holding tightly to K'Laus, but he was looking at him, like he was trying to memorize all of him. "I didn't though. I failed. I failed everyone and me... and you..." He leaned against his boyfriend. Glad that K'Laus was still his boyfriend.
Lieutenant K'Laus looked at his boyfriend, he could see the pain and the regret in his boyfriend's eyes. Whatever had happened to Fick was going to leave an impact that could not simply be shaken off or slept off. No amount of joking or teasing was going to make things better. This was not a scraped knee or a stubbed toe. "Whatever happened then and there, happened. You cannot change that, Fick," said the Klingon. "If you need to talk to someone... Cailus Griffin. I would go to him. If anyone can help you normalize back into the here and now, it would be him, or at the very least he can refer you to a temporal therapist."
"I don't want to talk to a therapist... and I don't want to talk to Cailus. I just spent eight years trapped in a fricking bubble thing with Cailus. I want to talk to you. I just want to tell you about it... and then I never want to talk about it again. I don't need therapy. I just need to get it off my chest and get on with things." Fick looked up at the taller Klingon. "I just... want to tell you and be done with it. It's over anyway and none of it really matters."
The Klingon grunted and crossed his arms. "A Klingon warrior sets out on a glorious hunt for battle, he returns home and spreads the stories of his great battle, but once the words are spoken, the battle never ends. It lives with the warrior long after that battle," commented K'Laus. "If you do not want to talk to anyone else, that is fine. I will honor your choice... but I am not sure it will be so easy for you to walk away from what happened in that 'fricking bubble,'" stated the Klingon.
Fick lowered his gaze, looking from K'Laus' face to the floor and his shoulders sagged. "I didn't win any battles though," he said softly. "Matter of fact, I sort of lost the battle. Completely."
K'Laus gave Fick a good solid slug in the arm, not hard enough to dislocate his shoulder or anything, but it potentially could leave a bruise if the young man bruised easily... which K'Laus knew that Fick did not. Because, when you're intimately involved with a Klingon, people certainly take notice of bumps, bruises, and the occasional broken bone, albeit Lieutenant K'Laus was a little gentler than most Klingon lovers.
"You came back alive," said the Klingon. "This is where I break from my Klingon heritage. They live to die in battle and if you come back alive from one, then it clearly was not your day to die. This for them seems to mean though it was a glorious battle, it was not 'the one.' So, you continue seeking out that great battle, 'the one' to end it all. It will be the one in which your life is taken from you after you fight your hardest to kill the enemy," explained K'Laus.
The Klingon shook his head. "No, I do not believe in that foolishness. The real warriors are those who fight only because there is no other way to find glory, but glory needs to be found from within. Nobody can give that to you. You can't kill someone in battle and get glory. You have to find it inside. It might be selfish of me to think the way that I do, but I rather that you came back defeated and broken than to have never come back at all."
Fick sniffled and nodded. "I'm really glad you feel that way. It makes all of this a little easier. At least you're not going to break up with me when I tell you what I did... maybe. I did come back alive, but it was pretty much a surprise to me, cause I didn't leave the bubble place that way." He took a deep breath. "I died... I died because I killed myself." There. He'd said it. It was the first time that he'd said it outloud at all. It was sort of a strange relief, although he still didn't know how K'Laus was going to react. It was too late to take it back now. "I couldn't take it anymore. I felt so alone... and lost... and nothing was ever going to change. It had been eight years. I'm so sorry." It was hard not to just break down, but Fick managed to suck it up and not cry like a baby.
K'Laus wrapped his arms around Fick and practically hoisted him a few inches off the ground in a tight embrace. "What you did was not cowardly. I do not know what the Bajoran or Risan beliefs are when it comes to ending one's own life, but having been raised Talarian, we would rather die free than die in captivity. That 'bubble' was nothing more than a scientific prison, a cage that kept us apart, that kept you from freedom. Klingons may wish to die in battle, but even they have their beliefs on ending one's own life.There is a whole ritual about something the Klingons call Hegh'bat."
Fick felt a wave of relief wash over him and hugged the Klingon as tightly as he could. He had been terrified to tell K'Laus about his plight and final suicide in the bubble, worried that the strong Klingon would think he was a coward, but not his boyfriend. "Thank you. Thank you for understanding," he mumbled into the Klingon's neck. In a lot of ways, Fick felt, by this admission alone, that he could recovered from his ordeal now. "I just needed to tell you myself before people started talking about it."
The Klingon grunted. "If people talk about you being a coward, they will be on the receiving end of a very unhappy Klingon," replied K'Laus. "They will immediately shut up if they know what is good for them," added K'Laus. "Now, how much shore leave time do you have stockpiled? Perhaps you would like to spend a few days with me. We wouldn't even need to go anywhere. We could just stay aboard."
Fick nodded and leaned back so he could see K'Laus' face, although he was still dangling in the air, not that he minded. He smiled. "I'm not sure, but I know it's a good chunk of time. I'd really like that. To just spend time with you, here. I've missed you. A lot."
"I'm sure the Captain would be willing to let you have whatever time you need," said K'Laus. "I don't think you'll need to have the Chief Medical Officer or a Counselor give you medical leave, but if need be... then we can go that route," he added. "You just tell me what you want to do and we will do it."
"I don't want to do anything, but be with you. Maybe we could use the holodeck or something, but I don't want be away from you right now. Do you think the captain would give you time off too? I think I might need you for my recovery." Fick chuckled, but he was still serious.
K'Laus nodded. "I agree. I think you do need me for your recovery, and I am sure the Captain would agree. He's a common sense man who understands family. It's not like I have a desperately needed position aboard this starship. I just oversee the inventory and inspection of cargo... make sure everyone has what they need. The most excitement I had was a vole infestation in one of the containers meant for the ship's dining facilities," explained K'Laus. "I'll inform Commander Nash first thing tomorrow morning. I am sure he can throw someone from Operations or Engineering to cover my duties for a few days."
Fick nodded eagerly and smiled. He leaned in and kissed the Klingon's nose. "Your job is to important. People need stuff and you make sure they have it. If we didn't get the stuff you so carefully make sure we have, I'm pretty sure that everything might break down. Of course, you, like me, can leave your job and they will still find someone do it." He laid his head on K'Laus' shoulder. "You're not replaceable to me though..." Fick said softly.
The Klingon looked at Fick scrutinizingly. "You are not replaceable to me either, but you are more valuable to this starship than you give yourself credit for. Look at you. You held down the position of Chief Flight Controller with a junior officer rank. You've climbed your way up for a rank promotion, and you know as well as I do that you are one of the best damn helmsman Starfleet still has. They don't just produce flyboys like you at the Academy anymore. I love you."
Fick blushed and hugged the Klingon tightly once more. It was good to be home again. "I love you too," he whispered.