Stop Being An Idiot

Posted on Sun Jun 21st, 2020 @ 3:27am by Lieutenant Kalin Brennan-Griffin PhD & Cailus Griffin
Edited on on Wed Jun 24th, 2020 @ 5:59am

Mission: New Moon Rising
Location: Shae's Quarters
Timeline: After "Neon Boulevard"

The decks of the Pandora, particularly close to the end of Alpha shift, were astonishingly quiet. It was a small window of time when the dock workers had mostly left while most of the crew had yet to arrive, giving the ship an odd, pervasive emptiness. The ship even smelled different. With so many new conduits, wall panels and even newly laid carpet, the Pandora smelled crisp and fresh, the velvet aroma subtle but relaxing.

It was, Cailus thought to himself as he walked the decks, downright unnatural. He had eschewed the uniform this evening, instead favouring a loose white shirt/black pants outfit that the replicator had spit out. With a bulky wrapped box under his left arm, he arrived at his destination. Pausing to glance each way down the hallway, he frowned before pressing the chime.

Shae was likewise dressed down for the evening, a simple tunic style dress and some leggings, and Aoife had nodded off early for the night so Shae was taking advantage of the quiet by trying to get some unpacking done. Most of what they had brought along was Aoife's, Shae didn't own much, but she had brought a few things from home after her shoreleave on Earth. Shae had just finished unpacking her new orchids from her mother's greenhouse, and was setting the small pots around her quarters when she heard the chime. Dusting off her hands, she answered the door, smiling warmly when she saw who was on the other side.

"Cailus, please come in," she said softly. "Just try to be quiet, Aoife is already in bed," she cautioned as she let him.

"Noted," he replied, almost in a whisper. Stepping inside, Cailus looked at the orchids with interest. "I see why you brought your orchids," he commented. "They really do make officers' quarters feel homely."

"They're not much to look at yet, but they'll grow," Shae replied with a smile. Then she tilted her head curiously at the box Cailus had in hand. "So what brings you by tonight? And what's in the box?" she asked.

Placing the box on a table, Cailus shrugged with a faint smile of his own. "I just thought I'd stop by and say hello. It's a reasonable excuse to actually figure out where the other senior officer's quarters are, as well as explore the ship. I've got a surprise drill scheduled for the Security officers coming aboard tomorrow, so it's good to be prepared." Folding his arms, Cailus gestured at the box. "And the box is something I picked up from Japan. You can open it, if you like."

"Well you certainly didn't need an excuse to come find my quarters, you may come by anytime," Shae teased, then opened the box with great curiosity. Peering inside she found a very lovely bowl with a green and white pattern and kitsune iconography, but what was most interesting about the bowl was that it had been broken and repaired with gold lacquer. Shae was rendered speechless as she removed the bowl from the box, running her fingers over the golden seams; it was beautiful!

"I know it isn't much," Cailus said hesitantly. It was encouraging to see Shae examining his gift so intently, but he still felt vaguely nervous. "The Japanese call them kintsugi. The cracks are considered as much a part of it as the rest. According to the philosophy, those imperfections give the kintsugi character. They're cherished." He stopped there, wincing at the heavy-handed metaphor.

"It's wonderful, thank you," Shae said, the connection between the gift and the metaphor not lost on her. "Now I feel bad, I didn't get anything for you!"

"Don't worry about it," Cailus reassured her. "To be perfectly honest, spending time with your family was a treasure in itself. Speaking of which, did your mother get around to showing you that holovid before we left?"

"I did see them!" Shae said with a big smile, setting the bowl on the table. "I really wish I could have gone with you, it looked like so much fun, and to hear her laughing... It really was a wonderful sound. She really likes you."

Glancing at the dark bedroom, Cailus chuckled soundlessly, grinning all the while. "She's an explorer, Shae. For all that's happened, Aoife wouldn't stop looking around and trying to learn. She even bullied me into picking her up out of the pram for a better view before we beamed to the beach. There's fire in her belly, mark my words."

"I believe it," Shae replied with a chuckle, glancing to the bedroom as well. "It pleases me to know that her past has not snuffed out her light; maybe with enough time and love she can forget. Thank you for giving her a day of smiles."

"The smiles were quite mutual." A comfortable silence followed, and Cailus looked between the dockyards and Shae. "Well, it's late...relatively speaking. I don't know what watch rotation you're on..."

"I haven't set a duty roster for my department yet, so I don't know what rotation I'll be on just yet, but for now I'll be reporting during Alpha watch," Shae replied. "Cailus, are you trying to ask if you can stay with me tonight?" she asked bluntly as she tried to suppress a small smile, her eyes bright with amusement. "Because if you are, you're more than welcome to stay anytime," she added with a light blush. Shae didn't know much about dating, but she knew she wanted to be around Cailus all the time, so she would never turn him away if he wanted to stay the night with her.

Smiling in response, Cailus quirked his head to the side. "I was going to leave you to sleep, actually, but now that you mention it, the idea of leaving isn't very appealing. I could help you unpack..."

Shae's blush deepened. "I didn't really have that much to unpack," she admitted. "I, uh, would like you to stay, though... We didn't get much of a chance to talk before we had to leave Earth and, uh.... I haven't really done much dating, so I have no idea what I'm doing at this point," she confessed in a jumbled rush.

Cailus stepped up to her swiftly, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Shae," he reassured her gently, "neither do I. All relationships are unique. There are no rulebooks or instruction guides. We'll figure out things as we go. Just remember that I'm every bit as terrified as you are." Hesitating, the smile transformed into a subtle smirk. "But it's the good kind of terror...if that makes a lick of sense."

"Like you've got knots in your stomach and your heart is racing so fast you feel a little giddy?" Shae asked. "I always feel like there's something I should be saying or doing, but most of all I just want to be near you, like all the time," she said, stepping closer so she could put her arms around him and rest her head on his chest. She had missed being able to do this since leaving Earth, it always seemed like there was always someone around and she was far too shy to make any displays of affection in front of people, especially other Officers.

Enclosing Shae close to him, Cailus kissed the top of her head lightly. "No complaints here," he murmured, Shae's head pressed against his heart. He simply held her there for a moment, closing his eyes briefly. It was still astonishingly new, but it scared him a little how quickly he had grown to care for her. After a while, he leaned back slightly to look down at her within his embrace, smiling gently. "Okay, how about this: we get drinks, sit on the couch and you can tell me all about the wondrous technology you have at your disposal now."

"You mean you really want to hear about that?" Shae asked, looking up at him with an adorably innocent gaze. Well, if that's what he wanted... "What's your poison?" she asked, pulling away from Cailus to get a data chip from her desk. "Dylan gave me some upgraded replicator patterns, foods from home and stuff. You can have the patterns for your quarters once I'm done loading them," she offered, popping the data chip into the chip slot of the replicator and saving the patterns to the system.

"That'd be great, thanks," Cailus said as he moved to the couch. "I'll just have whatever you're having."

"Blackberry tea then," Shae said, then brought two steaming cups over to the couch and set them on the table. At that point, she couldn't help but to snuggle into Cailus' side on the couch, looking quite pleased with herself as she did so. "Okay, forget tech talk, this is nice too," she said with a happy chirp as she nuzzled against him with a bright smile.

"That it is," Cailus agreed with contentment, sinking into the couch with Shae leaning into him. It was almost criminally luxurious. "Definitely your quarters in the future," he murmured, wrapping an arm around Shae's shoulders and stroking her hair slowly. "Mine are still a bit...basic."

"I guess I was assigned family quarters in anticipation of Aoife needing the extra space; they've already got an extra room ready for Aoife, but it's still a bit soon for her to have a room of her own," Shae said with a contented sigh. Then she looked up at Cailus. "I know it's a bit soon to be talking about moving in or anything like that, not that I'm suggesting we do anything of the sort, but uh, I left a dresser drawer empty for you, in case you do end up spending a lot of time here," she said timidly, a little nervous that she may have overstepped her boundaries.

"Thank you," Cailus said gratefully, kissing the top of her head again. "I definitely want to spend a lot of time with you." Thinking back to his meeting with the captain, he sighed. "When we get a chance, anyway. As soon as we hit the Expanse, we'll be right in the thick of it."

"Well, Officers have to sleep sometime..." Shae replied, then with a mischievous smile she blushed again at the thought, indicating she was thinking of something other than sleep.

That did it; the look on Shae's face, her sheer cuteness, made Cailus laugh out loud briefly. "You really are incorrigible," he said as he recovered, grinning all the while. "Not that I mind, of course. I definitely don't mind." Pausing, he resumed stroking Shae's hair as a realisation hit him. "You know...I think that's the first time I've laughed in...forever. Huh."

Shae loved the sound of his laugh, it made her smile. "I never made any claims to being innocent," Shae replied with a fanged grin, releasing a purring chirp as he continued to pet her hair. "Mmmm, that feels nice," she said, nuzzling against him again.

"That is the intention," Cailus teased lightly, although his mind was elsewhere. The shock of that laugh was considerable;. it wasn't like him. Not since leaving cryo, anyway. Only two people in his adult life had ever pierced him enough to draw out that part of Cailus, the part of him that could indulge in such a thing as pure, honest laughter.

...No. Four, now. Shae and Aoife...were they replacements? How could they ever replace Harriet and Victoire? Could they? Should they?

The enormity of those questions twisted Cailus' gut as he lay on the couch, Shae happily ensconed with him. He tensed involuntarily, suddenly hyperaware of their surroundings; the smooth fabric of the couch, the reflecting light from the dockyards, the oh-so-pleasant purr that Shae made, even the lovely sensation of her tail swishing happily over his legs.

Recognising what was happening, Cailus closed his eyes, allowing his breathing to slow, his mind to empty. Peace, he recited to himself in his head, through clarity.

"Cailus?" Shae could feel the tension in his body and his attempts to force himself to relax, so she looked at him with confusion and concern. "Are you okay?" she asked, knowing that things certainly weren't 'right' with this kind of tension he was carrying.

"Getting there," Cailus replied evenly. After a moment, he breathed out long and hard before opening his eyes once more, examining Shae's features so close to his own. "You know," he said with a self-aware smile, "I think looking at you is just as calming as a thousand year old Vulcan meditation technique. A technique that took me three years to learn, I might add." Pausing, he looked away. "Sorry for that. Sometimes the TDS takes me by surprise. I...hm. You deserve to know, but I'm not sure how to explain..."

"TDS?" she asked, then mouthed the letters a few times to work things through her head. "Temporal displacement.... syndrome?" That was the only thing she could figure to fit the letters given what she knew about him, and it sounded like something out of the counseling field. "If there's something you want to tell me, then take your time, there's no need to rush. I am a patient Listener, and in case of panic attack, I also double as a vibrating blanket," she added, feeling oddly playful.

Catching Shae's cheerfulness, Cailus shook his head in reluctant amusement. The counselors need not have worried; no depression was a match for the might of Kalin Brennan. "I will be calling on your services as a professional blanket, I suspect. You're right, by the way. Temporal Displacement Syndrome. I've got a pretty severe case, apparently." Considering for a few seconds, he sat up slightly, taking Shae's hands in his own. "I was...honestly, Shae, I'm...I was comparing. And I'm sorry. You are you, utterly unique in any century. Damn. I'm not making any sense, am I?

"Comparing?" It took her a moment to realize what he meant, and when she finally understood she smiled warmly. "Cailus, there is nothing you need to apologize for. In a way, you are still grieving, and getting over a loss like you've suffered is something that only time can help heal. Even once you've accepted and moved on, what you felt for Harriet and Victoire is something utterly unique, a feeling that can never be replaced by anyone, but in my experiences with humans, you have this infinite capacity for compassion, your hearts are so big, there's always room for more. I would never seek to compete with what you felt for Harriet, and I understand that there will be times when you will look at me and miss her, but I think if you could speak to her now, all she would want for you is to be happy." Some part of Shae was hoping that she could be part of that happiness, but she was still to timid about this new relationship to say so.

Blinking at that unexpected wisdom, Cailus smiled once more. "I see what your brothers meant; you really are great at this. You're right; Harriet would tell me to be happy. Or, more accurately, she would tell me I'm being an idiot and to enjoy being with the beautiful woman next to me." Placing his left hand on her cheek, he added softly, "I am happy, Shae. Truly. That's all you."

Leaning into his touch with a contented sigh, Shae smiled. She was happy too; anytime he was near, she didn't feel so afraid of the things she worried would come get her, and the fact that he got Aoife to smile and laugh brought her joy that she couldn't even begin to put into words. "Well then, stop being an idiot," she said with a laugh.

"Yes ma'am," Cailus joked lightly. Without further hesitation he kissed her, the intensity of it surprising them both as Shae lay back into the couch, maintaining the kiss all the while.