Demons

Posted on Sun Jun 21st, 2020 @ 3:44am by Lieutenant Kalin Brennan-Griffin PhD & Cailus Griffin & Eva Griffin
Edited on on Wed Jun 24th, 2020 @ 6:52am

Mission: New Moon Rising
Location: Shae's quarters
Timeline: After 'Dinner by Starlight'

Shae was a bundle of raw nerves as she waited for the turbolift to ascend to the right deck, nearly rushing the door before it could open. It was only because of Cailus' hand encompassing hers that she remained calm enough to abstain from simply running through the halls to get to her child that much sooner. She had to keep a cool head, Aoife need a source of calm, not more distress. But soon they were at her quarters and Shae tapped the access panel to let them in, and there was Nurse Davies, in civilian attire because her medical uniform caused too much distress for Aoife, and Aoife was in her arms, utterly still and unresponsive, her eyes hollow and staring into nothingness.

"Oh thank goodness," Nurse Davies said when she saw Shae enter the room, immediately handing Aoife off the Shae.

"It's alright, Rebekah, I've seen her do this before, you did right by calling me," Shae said, unable to hide the mix of fear and frustration in her voice. She moved over to the couch where she sat and wrapped herself and Aoife in a blanket. "It's alright, my little love, I am here," she said tenderly, cuddling Aoife close and rocking gently.

Nurse Davies stepped back and picked up a digital recorder. "I've got to document her behavior to chart her responses and progress, but it will just take me a minute and I'll be gone," she said in a quiet tone as she captured images of Aoife's dead gaze.

Sitting down next to them, Cailus put his left hand on Shae's shoulder. He had initially thought she'd been overreacting as all young mothers tended to do, but seeing Aoife's vacant eyes scared the hell out of him too. Without saying a word he gave the nurse a hard look that couldn't be misinterpreted: hurry up and go.

Nurse Davies caught the look in his eyes and gave a slight nod, quickly taking some notes on a PaDD and then leaving. Once Nurse Davies was gone, Shae released a soft sigh. "Aoife would get like this right after she was rescued," Shae said softly as she stroked Aoife's hair, still rocking gently. "On the ship that rescued her, then under Caden's care when he was bringing her to me, and a few times since she's been with me, and it scares me every time," she said, looking at Cailus. "And her nightmares... sometimes at night she just cries unconsolably and it breaks my heart!" she added with tears welling up in her eyes.

That was quite enough; without further hesitation, Cailus wrapped an arm around Shae and drew her and Aoife to him. "Hush now," he murmured softly, kissing the top of Shae's head. "It's going to be alright, we're here now." Looking at Aoife's emptiness, Cailus' breath caught at the pain she must've suffered for one so young. He moved to stroke Aoife's hair with his right hand then froze, cursing in his own mind. "You're safe Aoife," he whispered instead. "Mommy is here, you can come back to us. You're safe."

It would take a while, longer than Shae cared to fathom, but eventually Aoife broke free of her daze, only to start crying, clinging to Shae's dress with a fierce desperation. Shae had to fight back tears of her own, instead making soothing shushing sound and reminding Aoife that she was safe. Aoife's little sobs sounded so tired, the child was clearly in need of sleep, but whatever fear had gripped her so tightly was just not letting go. It wasn't until Shae began to sing a hauntingly beautiful Irish tune that Aoife finally began to quiet down and finally go to sleep. Shae kept singing, her voice breathy and clear, until Aoife was completely relaxed in her slumber, although there would be no purring tonight, not after all that. Feeling her daughter relax, Shae too finally relaxed against Cailus and remained there a while simply for her own sense of comfort.

Stroking Shae's shoulder idly, Cailus rested his head upon hers. He had felt every sob, every rasp, and it tore his heart asunder. Oh he had always known that Shae and Aoife had suffered horrendously, that there was pain in their past, but this was the first time that they had both broken down so utterly in front of him, that the sheer weight of their trauma had became so clear. Even Shae's singing was both beautiful and terrible at the same time as she worked so hard to keep going for Aoife.

After a little more minutes, with no sound between them save Aoife's slow breathing, Cailus moved his mouth down to Shae's ear. "Come, let's put her to bed," he suggested as quietly as possible.

Shae shook her head slightly, afraid that the movement would wake Aoife. "Just a little longer," she said gently as she nuzzled into Aoife's hair. She was trying so hard not to fall apart into tears, but how could she not! This was her fault, she had left her child in that hell and the poor thing was traumatized and still suffering even after she was rescued! "I did this..." she said, unable to hold the tears back any longer. "I left her there, she's hurting because of me!"

Forcing down a empathetic shiver at her distress, Cailus' voice took on the slightest hint of steel. "Listen to me Kalin Brennan," he said firmly, resting his chin on Shae's white hair. "None of this, absolutely none of this, is your fault. You did what any parent would do, what I would've done in a heartbeat. You hear me, Shae? You did the best you could. Aoife is with you, now, and she will get better. She is getting better, with you, because of you."

Shae heard his words, felt the deep timbre of his voice moving through her, but it did nothing to stem the tide that had been released; Shae had been holding this pain in for too long. "I could hear her screaming," Shae said with a shuddering sob as she curled further into his embrace, holding him tightly with Aoife slumbering in between them. "She was only days old and just screaming! Sometimes she just needed attention, needed to be cared for, but sometimes... such pain! I begged them to stop, to use me for whatever they were doing, and I would have promised them anything to make those screams stop!"

"It's over, it's all over," Cailus whispered, holding her even tighter in an iron embrace, Shae's tears soaking through his shirt. The normally subdued, tightly controlled Cailus closed his eyes, simply holding her as he murmured soothing reassurances. He briefly tried to imagine himself in that position, Victoire being hurt as a newborn, and immediately wiped the thought from his mind. Shae's pain was simply beyond imagination. He had lost Victoire in the flash of an instant, but Shae had been forced to listen to Aoife...to leave her. It was impossible. How could any one person bear that?

Shae cried and cried until finally she ran dry, sniffling as she wiped at her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said in a voice so small he could have easily missed it if he weren't paying attention. "Dinner was so lovely, I had such a great time, and now... I'm so sorry we've ruined what's left of the evening," she said. She could feel his hands through her hair, removing hairpins when he came across them so he could continue the comforting gesture, and it was so calming.

"That's alright," Cailus replied, smiling weakly. "This is all part of life, the good and the bad." Kissing Shae on the lips lightly, he looked into her eyes. "I understand, and I'm here whenever you need me."

Shae nodded slightly, "Please stay tonight," she said, suddenly feeling quite tired, not to mention the beginnings of a headache that always followed a good cry, but his hand in her hair was already starting to ease that. "You are a comfort to both of us, please say you'll stay."

"There was never any doubt," Cailus reassured her with quiet confidence. "Of course I'll stay. Come on now, let's all get into bed. If we spend the night on this couch, we'll have a very annoyed little girl in the morning."

Shae nodded and pulled away from Cailus to get up, but then looked at Aoife still sleeping in her arms. "I need to get out of this dress, can you hold her for a moment?" she asked, then at his accepting nod she gently eased the child into his arms. Aoife whimpered softly in protest but did not wake initially, so Shae quickly disappeared into the bathroom to get out of her dress and wash her face. Although Aoife noticed quite quickly that Shae was no longer present, and even Shae's scent trapped in the blanket was not enough to convince Aoife that Shae was still there, so ultimately she did wake and started looking around for her mother, her lower lip quivering as she was on the verge of crying again.

Closing his eyes briefly, Cailus did the only thing he could think of. Shifting his grip to hold Aoife in his left arm, he put a finger directly in front of her eyes. "Aoife," he said clearly, enunciating each syllable. Slowly, as Aoife focused on the finger that had popped up in her vision, he circled it back between them so Aoife was looking at him instead of searching for her mother.

"Aoife," he repeated slowly, making sure to lock eyes with the child. "Mommy is coming." Cailus tried a slight smile, trying as hard as he could to hide his sudden unease at comforting Aoife just as he had once comforted another scared little girl. "You're okay. We're here."

Cailus' efforts managed to stave off tears long enough for Shae to gets out of her dress and into some sleeping clothes. thenwash the tear-smudged makeup off her face. She had just finished fishing the last of the hairpins out of her hair, and she ran her fingers through her still curly hair as she returned to see Aoife awake and clinging to Cailus' blazer. As soon as Aoife caught sight of her mother, she was quick to abandon Cailus, reaching out for Shae to pick her up. "I know, dearheart, I've got you," Shae said as she gathered the distraught child to her. "Are you ready for bed? You look tired, I think it's bedtime," she said, trying her best to treat this like any other night to re-establish normalcy. She looked at Cailus and cast him a weak but heartfelt smile. "Thank you for keeping her calm," she said softly, holding out a hand as offering to join them in bed.

Taking her hand, Cailus squeezed lightly. "All part of the service," he joked in a near whisper, unwilling to unsettle Aoife any more by speaking louder. As the mother and daughter slipped into bed he swiftly disrobed, tossing the suit into the replicator for reprocessing as he pulled a pair of comfortable silk pants from a drawer. It was all so very natural to sleep with Shae and Aoife, so much that Cailus couldn't help but wonder. It hadn't been that long ago that he had been part of a security team holding Shae at gunpoint. Heck, if things had gone differently, he and Shae could easily have been forced to kill one another. Now, in no time at all...were they a family? Could he possibly fill that role for them? It was so fast, almost to the point of insanity. Cailus and Harriet had known each other for two years before they got married and then waited another five years to bring Victoire in the world, yet Shae and Aoife...was it right that they had become so close, so fast?

With a sigh, Cailus banished those thoughts with sheer force of will as he climbed under the covers, turning to the side so he could curl up against Shae's back. The base of her tail tickled his bare chest, but he ignored the feeling as he wrapped his left arm around Shae and Aoife. "Comfortable?" he murmured.

"Mhmm," Shae replied, relaxing into his warmth. Aoife was quickly falling back asleep, and Shae wasn't that far off from slumber either. "Cailus?" she said softly, clearly very near sleep. "Do you ever wonder what things would be like if life hadn't turned upside down? Do you ever wish you could go back and do things differently?"

The question, innocently answered, made Cailus' stomach roll. He stared into the darkness, considering not with his mind, but with his heart. There was a war raging there, a war that had been raging ever since he'd woken from cryostasis. To die...or to live.

With Shae and Aoife, he finally realised there could only be one answer.

"I used to," he whispered. Inhaling Shae's earthy scent, he breathed out gradually, finally closing his eyes. "Not any more."

"Sometimes I wish I could change things," Shae said, somewhat surprised by her own admission. "Not for myself, but for her; I endured what was done to me, I learned to live with it, but Aoife... She shouldn't have had to know such pain and loneliness, and sometimes I think it would be kinder if she never existed at all, but then I would not have her now or know the joy she brings me. It's a confusing conundrum, it makes me feel all tangled up inside. My only hope now is that she forgets as she gets older, that these episodes become fewer and the nightmares fade into the past so that she can be happy."

Stroking the outline of Shae's fingers absently, Cailus' reply was gentle. "One day at a time," he reminded her. "One day of love to wipe out one day of pain. She will become bright and amazing and an adventurer, just like her mother. I can see it in her eyes all the time...she has so much spirit."

Shae nodded. "Thank you, Cailus," she said. His presence and his words of reassurance were making this situation easier to bear, which allowed her to finally drift off to sleep. Cailus was right behind her, his breathing deepening right along with hers. There was pain aplenty between the three of them, true, but the pain was easing, slowly but surely. Aoife's nightmares hadn't ended, but at least she wasn't alone to face them.