Bearing All

Posted on Sun Jun 21st, 2020 @ 3:49am by Lieutenant Kalin Brennan-Griffin PhD & Cailus Griffin
Edited on on Wed Jun 24th, 2020 @ 7:00am

Mission: New Moon Rising
Location: Brig/Shae's Quarters
Timeline: A few hours after "The Past And The Present"

There were a few rules and operating procedures that all smart junior officers quickly learned upon being assigned to a starship. One of the most treasured rules was a simple one: always know when your department head is sleeping. Such knowledge helped you plan out your schedule, have a pleasant chat with your colleagues and generally work without worrying about that department head visiting to look over your shoulder.

It didn't really work if the department head in question cheated.

"Mr Griffin," Ensign Hesper said wearily, "I assure you, sir, our cells and protocols are sufficient for dealing with any possible species."

In the Brig, Griffin considered the cells with crossed arms, his expression as severe as ever. Hespar, a Tellarite ensign, found himself fervently wishing the man would find a different thing to do with his time. Griffin had spent the last hour inspecting every inch of the Pandora's prisoner facilities, driving Hespar and his colleague, the human female Warrant Officer Zhukov, completely insane.

"How about Jem'hadar?" Griffin said with his customary frown.

"Yes sir." Behind Griffin, Hespar saw Zhukov roll her eyes.

"Changelings?" Griffin persisted.

"Yes sir."

"Horta?"

"Ye-" Hespar stopped in his right tracks, noting Zhukov's panicked shake of her head behind Griffin's shoulder, and changed track mid-sentence. "No sir."

"Does that seem satisfactory to you, Ensign?" Griffin said, peering at Hespar coldly.

"Ah...no sir." Catching the man's tone, Hespar worked his jaw in frustration. "We will of course analyse our protocols and remedy the situation immediately. You will have a preliminary report on the matter tomorrow.

"Very good." As Griffin glanced around the Brig once more (please leave, please leave, please leave, Hespar thought desperately), the Security Chief finally nodded. "Warrant Officer, Ensign, I'll leave you to it. Have a good night."

As soon as the doors closed behind the man, Hespar sighed in exasperation. "Arrogant ass...who does he think he is!? He walks around like he's an admiral, telling us what to do, and all he knows about prisons is from the bloody 23rd century!"

Returning to her console as Hespar complained, it was Zhukov's turn to sigh. If her experience with Tellarites was any indication, Hespar was going to continue for hours.



In the turbolift, Cailus had to restrain a smile. He'd been inspecting the Brig so late at night for very personal reasons, hoping to distract himself from Victoire's message and from his guilt about Shae, but torturing the Brig guards had turned out to be oddly fun. There had been a practical purpose, of course; during the inspection he had identified a few faults, and it was a genuine problem that they weren't prepared to safely secure Horta and similar lifeforms. It didn't hurt that Cailus also enjoyed himself a little.

As the turbolift doors opened to Deck 3, Cailus hesitated. He was fairly confident that he could sleep now, having thoroughly distracted and exhausted himself, but the issue of Shae continued to hang in his mind. Sure, she'd probably be fine, and the apology could probably wait until tomorrow...but would she be fine? Shae was exceptionally intelligent, much more so than him; she had surely figured out why he'd been with her. Cailus thought he knew her well enough that she wouldn't mind, but the mental image of Shae's dejected face, however unlikely, was enough to make the choice for him.

With a determined stride, he walked right past his own quarters to the other side of the ship, arriving at Shae's quarters a couple of minutes later. He brought his hand up to the control panel to press the chime, but hesitated. Aoife could be asleep, and from last night, Cailus knew how precious that was. Instead, he reluctantly pressed the button to open the door, making a small sound of relief as the door opened. He and Shae had agreed to allow each other access to their respective quarters at any time, but this was the first time he had tested it.

Aoife was indeed asleep, content in her crib for the moment. Shae was just getting out of the shower, sitting on the bed wrapped in a towel as she dried of her tail. She heard the door swish open and her large ears swiveled to follow the sound before she bothered to turn to see who it was; of course she knew it was Cailus, he was the only one who would be able to enter without announcing himself. She saw him and she smiled; he was here now and all was right with the universe.

"Hey, I thought you were staying at your place tonight," she said to tease him.

Shae's light-heartedness was infectious as ever; Cailus couldn't help but smile affectionately in response. It never ceased to amaze him how she pulled that off. "That is the plan. Or it was the plan, I suppose." Sitting on Shae's left, he allowed his weight to depress the bed a little, laying his arms on his thighs. Shae was still quite fragrant after her sonic shower, and it took him a moment to properly focus. "I came to apologise. About earlier."

"Apologize? For what?" Shae asked. "If you're worried about whether the floor hurt me, you can rub some ointment on my back if you think it would make you feel any better," she offered, not realizing the true reason he was coming to apologize.

"That's not it...although I can do that, if you like." Running a thumb over his prosthetic hand, Cailus looked at Shae, his eyes somber, although far more composed and settled than when Shae had visited him. "When I asked you to be with me earlier...it was for the wrong reasons. I wasn't in a sound frame of mind." Hesitating as he visibly tried to find the right words, Cailus continued, "I used you to make myself feel better. I took advantage of you."

"Hmm, I see," Shae replied with a thoughtful nod. "So then we're not allowed to have sex for any reason other than our affections for one another? If this is the case then I must apologize as well because I enjoyed it very very much, it was wonderfully stress relieving." She looked up at him to see how he was taking this. "I am not going to forgive you because there is nothing to forgive, Cailus. You asked me to be with you, I consented, and I could have said stop at any time if I felt uncomfortable with what was happening and I know you would have stopped. What part of any of that demands a need for forgiveness?"

Cailus huffed with amused exasperation. "I really don't know. It all seemed logical and straightforward a minute ago, but now it feels quite ridiculous. With anyone else I would've been out of line with what we did, but with you...you're right. It was perfectly natural." Considering Shae's eyes for a moment, her black ovoid irises contracting minutely inside that brilliant blue expanse, he shook his head ruefully. "Never mind me, Shae. I'm just an old man learning new tricks. Being with you is a whole new frontier in its own right."

"It's alright," Shae said with her warm smile. "Remember during our dinner I talked about dating, what people will do to appear better for their partner? Well, I've seen enough relationships based on shallow insecurities, disagreeing and breaking up over petty jealousies so I can understand how maybe something like this might not be so acceptable to someone else, but it doesn't bother me because I'm not jealous of your history with Victoire and Harriet. And honestly, I don't see how a relationship can be all romance all the time, that's got to be exhausting! I've seen enough to know what I don't want in a relationship, and I don't want pretense; we started with friendship, and that makes it so easy for me to be comfortable around you, to just be myself with no pretense, and I want you to feel the same way too." Normally, she was quite timid talking about intimacy; not that she was afraid to tell Cailus what she wanted when they were intimate, but she was still so shy about it. But this was about more than just sex, it was about clearing the air.

Mulling over words, Cailus nodded slowly. His expression was taciturn once more, but his eyes were bright. "You know, it never occurred to me until you put it into words, but the kind of relationship you're describing...that's what I've heard Vulcans experience when they find their mate. They strip away all the extremities, all the pretense, until there's nothing left but two minds meeting in unison. No judgement, no doubt...just warm acceptance." Scratching his beard idly, Cailus smiled once more. "Granted, they have mind melds to pull that off, but I think we're doing quite alright without." Raising a teasing eyebrow, he added "Unless telepathy is another special skill of yours, that is."

"Telepathy? Goodness no!" Shae replied with a grin. "Because I'm half El Aurian, I am aware of a telepath's presence in my mind, and because of my intensive training, I can block out unwanted probing, but I'm no telepath. Any empathy you might see in me is just your garden variety observation," she explained. "And I'm certainly not saying I've found my mate, things are still so new between us and I don't even know if I'm ready for something like that! But when you're around I feel so safe, and this may sound strange, but you help to keep me in the now. It's like... just with your presence you remind me I don't need to fret about the past or obsess about the future, I can focus on what's happening right now; I have no expectations of you being the source of my happiness, but you strip away all the anxiety so that I can find my happiness on my own, and then I get to share that joy with you, so it's like it becomes multiplied," she shared with him with this warm faraway gaze as she struggled to find the right words for what she felt.

"I don't know if I can match that kind of eloquence," Cailus said with his affectionate half-smile. "I'm happy to be what you need, of course, whatever you need. In a way, I suppose it's reversed for me. After I was recovered, before I met you, I didn't think about the past or the future. One was too painful, and the other seemed pointless. After we met...even before Ireland...hm. I don't know how to say it like you did."

"I understand all the same," Shae said, leaning in to bump her forehead against his forehead affectionately and then nuzzle his cheek. "I help you see the past and smile instead being sad, to feel something other than grief, which gives you hope for the future."

"That's the one," Cailus murmured as she pressed her forehead against him. Automatically, without thinking, he wrapped his arm around Shae, putting his hand on her shoulder...too late remembering that it was the prosthetic hand, the one that was naturally cold as bare steel. At Shae's involuntary shudder as the artificial, freezing flesh touched her warm skin, he drew back an inch, and as they froze for a moment, staring at each other, they both suddenly erupted into quiet laughter. Shae's laugh was a soft giggle while Cailus' was a quiet, rumbling chuckle.

Shae took his prosthetic hand, closing her eyes as she trailed his fingers over her exposed skin. Sure, the initial contact had been a surprise, but it was not unpleasant, and this was as much a part of him as anything else, so she enjoyed the chilling ticking touch, shivering with a smile.

Noting Shae's pleasure with some surprise, Cailus had to resist a grin of his own, instead settling for waggling his eyebrows. "I had no idea my hand was such a lethal weapon," he joked, his eyes alive with amusement.

Shae offered a soft laugh, opening her eyes to gaze into his. "Hardly, but it's not as unpleasant as I think you may have once believed," she said kindly, giving his hand back to him. Then she turned to pick up her night clothes to put them on, only Cailus recognized the t-shirt as one of his own; on nights that Cailus stayed in his own quarters, Shae had taken to wearing one his shirts to bed because they smelled like him, which explained why he noticed they were starting to smell like her. Shae slipped her towel off and then the shirt over her head, standing to take the towel to be recycled, and what a sight that was to see her in just his shirt! It was like a flag flapping on a castle battlement, and she was wearing such a symbol with pride! "I accept you just the way you are, Cailus, but I am equally as supportive of getting the upgrade if for no other reason that it would allow you the chance to feel with that hand again," she said as she moved around her quarters, her damp tail swishing playfully behind her.

Cailus frowned at seeing his shirt, and had been about to ask about it when Shae dropped the towel and donned the shirt without a care in the world. The sight stunned Cailus just as surely as a phaser. He had yet to get used to Shae's visage, and in that moment he hoped fervently that he never would. Wow was the only thought that pierced his frozen brain.

It only occurred after a few seconds that Shae had said something, and he rushed to recover, not having the slightest clue what had been spoken. "Ah...yes," he said faintly, still somewhat mesmerised as Shae walked around. "I agree completely."

Shae cut a suspicious yet amused glance at Cailus as he stared at her. Well, it was nice to know that he appreciated her physical form. She had never held such sway over another person before and she was quickly coming to realize that she liked it! "Oh you do, do you?" she said teasingly, returning to the bed with a mischievous smile. She took his hands and wrapped his arms around her tiny waist, then draped her arms around his shoulders. "I can put pants on if I'm too distracting for you," she offered with a playful grin.

Now fully recovered and somewhat determined to get his revenge, Cailus glanced down with an assumed expression of innocence. "Oh?" he said lightly, glancing down with exaggerated surprise. "You aren't wearing pants? I don't think I noticed..."

"Liar," Shae said with a laugh, then gave him with a gentle kiss. "Are you feeling better now?" she asked, her smile lingering in her eyes.

The jocularity fading into more somber contentment, Cailus smiled at the beautiful woman standing before him, his hands resting just above the base of her lightly swishing tail. There could be no question now, even if he didn't voice it. He'd fallen for her, fallen hard, and didn't care a whit how much further he fell.

"Unquestionably," he said, drawing her to him once more.

"Good," she said softly, running her fingers through his hair as he pulled her in for another kiss. Shae couldn't even begin to fathom how hard she had fallen for Cailus, and whether she was ready for such a connection or not, in her heart he was hers, just as she belonged to him.