Opening Their Eyes

Posted on Mon Jun 22nd, 2020 @ 3:09am by Cailus Griffin & Captain Nycolas Temple & Lieutenant Kalin Brennan-Griffin PhD
Edited on on Tue Jul 7th, 2020 @ 2:29pm

Mission: Into the Wild
Location: Sickbay
Timeline: After “Manual Shopping”

A Mission Post by Lieutenant JG Cailus Griffin & Captain Nycolas Temple & Lieutenant Kalin 'Shae' Brennan PhD
Mission: Into The Wild
Location: Sickbay
Timeline: After “Manual Shopping”
Tue Mar 20th, 2018 @ 12:20am

Cailus had just come out of surgery, and at her request Shae had been called in to be there for him when he woke. He was still out of it for the moment, but she had been informed that he should come to any moment now, so she allowed the sounds of his vitals monitor to serenade her as she held his hand, his new hand which was warm and soft just like his real hand, wanting to give him something pleasant to feel for his first sensation with the new prosthetic.

Upon waking through the haze of post-anesthesia, Cailus’ first thought was an odd one: what the hell is that feeling? Because there was no denying it: his brain was stubbornly insisting that something small and warm was lightly clutching his right hand. He lay there for a moment, eyes closed, growing increasingly irritated as his brain kept up its insistent nonsense despite his conscious mind knowing full well that it was impossible. He hadn’t felt anything from below his right elbow in nearly a century, ever since it had been burned off by a disruptor beam. Damn it, why was he still having phantom sensations after all this time?

Scowling, Cailus opened his eyes to do what he always did: look down at his empty right hand, realise that nothing was there and wait for his subconscious to stop its cruel trick. Except his hand wasn’t empty and the phantom pain wasn’t going away. Dumbstruck, Cailus felt the warm skin of that hand, the dull claws, the dexterous fingers. He looked up at Shae in astonishment, still a little out of it from the medication.

“Shae?” he whispered, his right thumb stroking the outside of her hand.

Shae smiled warmly as she saw him slowly start to come to, watched as confusion and even frustration displayed itself on his face, then the best part of all was the amazement when he saw the new hand. "Hey," she said softly once he finally took noticed of her. "How does it feel?" she asked, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

Still somewhat stunned at being able to feel the pressure on his hand, Cailus finally remembered what had happened. He wasn’t at all prepared for the onslaught of emotion that greeted him at the realisation that now, finally, he was whole. His breathing hitched, squeezing Shae’s hand right back, before Cailus remembered dimly that she had asked a question.

“Good,” he said lamely, and with a grunt of exertion, Cailus sat up, swinging his legs around to the side so he could face Shae directly. He yearned to touch her face, to stroke her hair and scratch her ears, and he even raised his hand to do it before remembering that such behaviour was most certainly not appropriate for Sickbay. Instead he rested his hand on the biobed, which was a marvel to feel in and of itself.

“Strange,” he muttered. “I don’t know why I feel so happy about this. It isn’t a big change.”

Shae held a hand on his shoulder to make sure he was steady as he sat up. "But it is a big change," Shae replied with a nod. "I know it wasn't an easy to decision to give up your prosthetic, even if the choice was somewhat made for you. Hopefully this one will last a good deal longer than the old one."

“Another century will do,” Cailus said wryly, holding up the new hand as he examined it, turning it this way and that. Out of sheer curiosity he pinched the skin on his wrist, hard, and smiled at the sharp surge of pain. Hell, he could even feel the air passing over the artificial skin as he moved it. “Brookes does good work. It needs calibrating, but the feeling is uncanny.” Then Cailus frowned, looking around. “Did you see my old hand anywhere?”

"Ah, I did not see it, but I can see if I can find it," Shae offered. "Or I can simply fetch the doctor and he can help you calibrate the new hand while he's at it."

Cailus shook his head. “It isn’t important. I’ll collect it when I go and we can figure out where to mount it afterwards. Brookes is probably busy with one thing or another, given that he just came onboard.” Then Cailus gave Shae that half-smile, the one that he so rarely bore in public. “I know that I didn’t ask for you to come, but thank you. It’s good to not wake up alone.” Then the smile turned into a devilish smirk. “Although it isn’t quite the same without Aoife stealing my pudding.”

Shae laughed. "Aye, I thought about bringing her but I didn't know when you would wake and she was excited about playtime with Katrine," she said with a knowing smile. But then her smile faltered and something occurred to her that hadn't the moment she'd heard it. "Wait, did you say you want to have your old prosthetic mounted?" she asked.

Recognising that tone, Cailus nodded cautiously. “I was considering it, but I was going to ask you first.” Reading her eyes, he raised an eyebrow. “It’s just a device, Shae. A collector’s item. It isn’t a real hand.”

"No no, that's not a problem," Shae said with a wave of her hand. "I know you're nostalgic about the past and figured you might want to keep the hand, the 'mounting' part just caught me a little off guard. Though I do hesitate to speculate where you might want to display it."

At that, Cailus snorted in amusement. “Don’t worry, I won’t be hanging it over the bed. I’m not that nostalgic. We’ll talk about it when we get home.”

Shae chuckled with amusement. "Sounds like a plan," she said with a smile.

Nyx was hovering in the background, having returned to the Sickbay for a check up on his leg. He saw Cailus and Shae talking, laughing, and he felt that twinge of regret. He wondered if they'd talked about the argument. 'Of course they have.' He thought dryly, wondering now if it was safe to even approach them. Would Shae still be angry? Would Cailus take up the argument too? They used to be his friends, they were able to talk honestly, now there was an elephant in the room playing loudly on it's trunk and it caused Nyx to reconsider saying hello.

"Aw stuff it." Nyx said to himself, deciding he would risk an awkward moment and approach the couple. Unfortunately he said it just as a junior medic was walking past.

"Sorry, sir?" She looked to him, eyes wide with surprise, wondering what she'd done wrong.

"Oh." Nyx laughed, shrugging awkwardly, "Don't worry."

The medic walked away, shaking her head. Taking a few laboured steps forward towards Cailus' bio-bed, Nyx gave a bashful smile and wave. "Greetings, folks. I heard you were coming in for an upgrade."

Shae wasn't angry, she was confused. Even now she could not figure out what she had done to deserve Nyx's doubt in her, because in her mind she only did what she did because she thought she had been ordered to, and she filed her after action report just like she was supposed to; she was a good Officer, and so what if she had revealed her regrets about killing, everyone had regrets, that didn't mean that her report hadn't been concise, factual, or completely accurate, she didn't deserve his doubt! But she said none of that, in fact she said nothing for there was nothing to say, she simply remained still, not turning to acknowledge him at all until he decided to speak to her directly, but Cailus and Nyx were still friends and she didn't want to ruin that, so she would let them chat.

Cailus waved his right hand back at Nyx in greeting, demonstrating the new model. “Already done, Captain. Doctor Brookes did a fine job given the timeframe, as did Lieutenant Mindo. This model should be more than sufficient for Starfleet’s regulations for combat prosthetics.” Glancing at the hand, he frowned. “I will, however, need to refrain from catching blades in the future. The tactic is excellent against bat’leths, but poor against longer and more powerful weapons.” Then Cailus noticed Shae’s stance, so very deliberately trying hide-without-hiding, and hs frown deepened into genuine concern.

“Well, I won’t speak for Doctor Brookes but he’d probably advise against catching blades with your hands, real or not.” Nyx commented, “Anyway, I don’t want to interrupt you both.” He looked plainly to Shae then back to Griffin, “Please let me know when you should be okay to go back on duty.”

“Aye, Captain,” Cailus replied, subtly looking between Nyx and Shae. For two former spies, neither of them were being subtle. The faint guilt in the way Nyx looked away, that mingled hurt and confused guilt in Shae’s eyes...it was easy enough to guess what had happened, at least in broad strokes. While they were normally both jovial and close friends, Nyx had said something that had hurt Shae’s feelings. With both of them still raw and emotionally drained from the fight against the Ravagers, the ill-spoken words had created a rift. A simple and obvious logical deduction, and a situation that Cailus had seen often enough in the aftermath of battle.

Thus he abruptly stood up, the long red medical gown being his only item of clothing after surgery. “I’m going to have a shower,” he declared blandly to both Nyx and Shae, although the look he shot at them both was sharp enough to slice wood. “In the meantime, talk it out. You two are the damned nicest people that I know, so whatever happened to cause this rift, work through it. The longer it festers, the worse it gets.”

Then, that said, Cailus promptly stepped away and headed for the Sickbay bathroom...a move that would’ve been considerably more impressive if the back of his gown hadn’t come undone halfway there. Determined to salvage some shred of his dignity, Caiius simply kept on walking with determination until he was safely in the bathroom, pretending not to care that he was flashing his bare rear end to his CO the whole way.

“I always thought that man was a bit of an arse.” Nyx commented, shaking his head.

Try as she might, Shae couldn't help herself as she stole a glance of his well toned posterior, blushing slightly when she realized she was outright staring. Then she looked at Nyx and the embarrassment and shame hit her once again at full force. "Excuse me," she said softly in an attempt to escape Sickbay and this conversation as quickly as possible.

“The longer we leave this, the worse is gets.” Nyx said firmly, looking to Shae. “I need to return to a normal working relationship with my Chief Science Officer.”

"I have absolutely no problem maintaining a professional working relationship, but right now, I'm off duty, this is private time and I was trying to visit my boyfriend in Sickbay, I have no obligation to converse unless it's about work," Shae insisted as she glared at him. But then her frustration at not being able to understand what she'd done wrong, and all of that confusion, won out. "You know, I know... I know what it's like to live in secrets, I would have understood if there was something that you couldn't tell me. 'There's something I can't tell you, Shae, give me some time to figure things out,' but no, instead you- you doubted me and pushed me away; how else was I to respond to that?"

“I’d expect you to respond with the professionalism you claim to be capable of.” Nyx replied shortly. “And I am your Commanding Officer every minute of every day on this ship. I will not be glared at or spoken to in that tone, as I have not done to you.” He sighed. “I had explained to you that I wanted to be careful with our reporting of the Carnage mission. That, given your unverified presence on the ship, undertaking several activities beyond your remit as Chief Science Officer, that we ensure there is no fall-out against the Pandora. I shouldn’t need to justify my caution to you, it should be taken at face value that I am merely trying to protect the ship. It was not a personal attack upon on.”

"I don't know if you've noticed, sir, but I don't trust easily," Shae said, lowering her gaze after his censure, but her tone was still firm. "I may be nice and approachable when I meet new people, but you better believe that when I get back to my quarters I'm running background checks on everyone I meet. But I didn't do that with you. I don't know why, maybe it was because you understood in a way no one else could, you've lived that life and while that should have put me on edge, I felt at ease; you accepted at face value what I told you on that first day, and even Cailus took some time to warm up to me and my secrets, so for some reason I didn't feel the need to know all the skeletons buried in your closet, I let you in as friend, I likened you to family, I trusted you! But the other night, I saw doubt. Yes yes, you wanted to be careful about the reports, I get that, I understand it, but what I saw was beyond that, you doubted me and I can't figure out why. I know now my presence on the Carnage is creating problems for you and I'll jump through whatever hoops you need to smooth that over, and you know that at the time I truly believed I was following your orders. So I just can't understand what I did to earn your mistrust."

Nyx leaned in, his tone was purposely soft, trying to state a fact without being accusatory."Seventeen incapacitated and three deceased." He raised his arms, "Okay, believe me, a few years ago, I would have been on my knees begging to having someone like you kicking arse next to me on a mission. You saved the day. But now, hearing that made me afraid that the Starfleet brass are just going to think you're dangerous, too dangerous to serve on a normal ship. I'm scared. What if they decided I didn't have control of my crew, or that we used excessive force? If I'm taken off the Pandora, or if you are, I can't protect you and Aoife, like I had promised to do." He shrugged, "I was being overly cautious because I was afraid of the possible ramifications. If I offended you in the process, then I apologise. I am sorry, that wasn't my intention."

"You asked me on that first day if I was seeking your protection and I wasn't, but thank you for that promise anyway," Shae said. At face value, she seemed appeased by his words and yet she was still tense; she had learned long ago to trust her instincts, and she had trusted those instincts when she trusted Nyx, but now she didn't know what to do because her instincts still had her on edge. "A-and it was seven deceased, two at the airlock, two more just inside, three in Engineering, but who's counting, right?" she corrected him, finishing it off with a nervous laugh. Then she sighed. "I still can't shake the feeling that there's something you're not telling me, but whatever it is, I just... I don't know... Just so long as it's not 'for my own good', because no one with good intentions has ever said that to me before you."

Nyx nodded, "I'm glad we could reach an understanding, I'm sorry if what I said triggered some painful memories for you." He sighed, "Truth is, I think I'm echoing what Emilie had said to me. She said this was supposed to be a scientific and diplomatic journey, not undercover ops and brutal battles, so she's... pretty angry. I know that the only reason you came back is because of the message that was sent, but for me - it was automatic, I was ready to jump in there without a second thought. It was almost too easy. Maybe I was venting on you because I was really just mad at myself? I went back on my word to my wife."

"Isn't that a bit naive and short-sighted of both of you?" Shae asked. "I mean, yeah, the primary directive is for scientific exploration and diplomacy, and they're not without their own risks and perils, but you still need to be careful of the promises you make because we need to be prepared for everything out here because we're very much alone; we knew going into this assignment that the Carnwennan Corridor was a hot zone, but at the same time, just because you're prepared for anything doesn't mean you planned in advance for the Carnage to attack, you simply thought quickly on the fly and adapted as the situation developed, which is likely why you were assigned this posting in the first place. You made vows to Emilie, but you made them to Starfleet too, and either she accepts that or she doesn't; it doesn't mean, however, that she has to be happy about the potential for danger, but if she's truly accepting then she shouldn't hold it against you. Although maybe you could scale back on the personal danger? Knowing that you're safe on the Bridge instead of personally leading the dangerous missions could give her some peace of mind."

"Yes, you're right, of course." Nyx said, "I was trying to be too many things at once." Despite himself, he gave a laugh. "Do you mind explaining that to her, you seem to put it in better ways then I ever could."

"I suppose I can," Shae replied with a nod. "The girls have a playdate scheduled, she and I can have a nice chat over some tea while the girls play. Although be careful what you wish, I could horrify her with accounts of Science gone terribly wrong," she continued, that last bit thrown in there to tease him as a sign that even if she was still a bit tense about something, they would still be okay as friends.

"Oh." Nyx replied softy. He'd had a more than a few surprises from the CSO lately. "Well, I'm trying not to make her run for the nearest shuttle." He dropped his shoulders and rubbed his face wearily. "Has really only been a few days? Feels like a year at least."

"Don't worry, I won't scare her off," Shae promised. "And it has been a long few days... I'm really looking forward to getting in some quality down time, although for now I should probably go check on Cailus and make sure he doesn't need any help." Then she realized how that must have sounded and she blushed crimson. "I mean, after the anesthesia and all, I'm just worried about him falling!" she tried to explain, then abruptly stopped. "You know what, I'm going to own that; we're consenting adults, I can 'help' him in the shower if I want to."

Nyx tried to keep a deadpan look on his face, though the corners of his mouth curled up, threatening a laugh. "Doctor Brookes was quite insistent that his new hand is not placed under considerable pressure, strain, or... oscillation. I would say that it's Doctor's orders that he receive assistance, and I sure as heck ain't volunteering."

And just when Shae thought she could not get any more embarrassed, along comes Nyx. "You and Cailus both derive far too much enjoyment from seeing me embarrassed," she declared as she tried to walk away with at least some of her dignity.

Nyx's smile was wide and genuine, and he called out to her, "Look it's a hard job but someone has to do it. I appreciate your dedication to the service. You're not taking it lying down, you're ready to climb up on there and give it your best work..."

Ohhhh, that evil bastard; with a face as red as hers, Shae was never living this down... "Good bye Nyx," she said with a groan as she trudged along to check on Cailus.